Love, Animals, Dogs, Dating and First Dates: Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along.... - FML

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 651

You deserved it 3 372

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Same thing different taste

Naughty boy

By Stevie - 17/08/2025 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 252

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 784

You deserved it 5 271

Hands off

By anon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 627

You deserved it 2 879

By Doggotmytongue - 12/02/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 380

You deserved it 6 758

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 175

You deserved it 9 137

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 298

You deserved it 9 712

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 14:53 - United States - Middleton

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 946

You deserved it 3 371

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 043

You deserved it 6 507

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 881

You deserved it 10 794

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 421

You deserved it 12 900

Next

Top comments

MsMeiriona 2

Sunday 11 March 2012 9:49

Better than a rape whistle.

miz_kamakazi 11

Sunday 11 March 2012 9:50

Bring treats next time to distract him.

Comments

pappuyarr 1

Monday 12 March 2012 0:08

What you think she brought the dog for? To keep other dog bzy....... Hahahaha

br0ccoli 14

Monday 12 March 2012 1:26

Yeah.. I wouldn't try sex anytime soon, OP. He'll take a bite out of your man bits.

artmastr 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:29

I think that's the whole reason she brought the dog along?

laurenmacias 0

Monday 12 March 2012 6:21

Stuff happens

laurenmacias 0

Monday 12 March 2012 6:23

You should've started humping her

SeemsToFail 0

Monday 12 March 2012 6:37

This sounds like ut would be on diaster date

XxDancerGirlxX 17

Monday 12 March 2012 7:20

My dachshund is the same way. He thinks he's a ferocious little bastard with his squeaky bark (; FYL OP, she should have asked before bringing her dog. Exactly why would someone bring their dog in a date anyway?!

ice_bck_420 0

Monday 12 March 2012 8:02

Maybe the dog should "runaway" ;)

rawwwrrrsheet 0

Monday 12 March 2012 8:42

Not jealous just protecting her

PieterseMJ 20

Monday 12 March 2012 12:26

who takes a dog on a date... unless you go to the dog park for your date...

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Today, our new co-worker started her job as member of our customer service team. It took some time to find someone good, so we were very happy to have her. After a few hours of explanation, it was time for her to log into her account with her work e-mail. Then she asked how our company name was written. FML

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I agree, your life sucks 27 690

You deserved it 8 853

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I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 88

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 769

You deserved it 5 980

Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 99