Health Love Out of my mind

Out of my mind

Anonymous - - United Kingdom - London

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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I'm OK!

MAC. - - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

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Caturday surprise!

keeperstride - - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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Boxing

Holly - - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

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The struggle

lizi - - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

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Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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Myriam - 18/06/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

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Piss off, basically

lonelyandcold - - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

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sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

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Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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Omfgitsmia 15

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:22

Well to be fair, you were pretty doped up. I'm sure they've seen worst.

dewberry2001 25

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:23

I told my nurse she was the "nicest goddamned nurse in all of history."

lexiieeex3 32

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:49

Well it could have been your doctor rather than a random one, which might have made things a bit awkward at that follow-up appointment so in theory, it could have been worse OP

ProfessorMctitie 20

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:49

Well there goes your chance of kissing a doctor

dswomi 12

Saturday 13 June 2015 8:33

Plot twist: OP falls in love with, and marries, the aforementioned doctor

WhatHappenedToIt 22

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:52

I woke up and had sever chills and then threw up on someone's feet with no control over it. I had my wisdom teeth removed so they had to give me a bit more gas to make sure the holes were rinsed out. I had all 4 out at once. But I ha said when I first saw the nurse that I felt like throwing up and she said good to know lol

Zmanzem4 17

Saturday 13 June 2015 8:00

The last time I woke up from surgery, I thought the air they were giving me was poison so I started punching the doctor and nurses.

nonsensical 26

Saturday 13 June 2015 10:29

I lolled imagining the scenario

TenebrionHZ 5

Saturday 13 June 2015 8:07

I remember I felt okay when I laid on my back but as soon as I got up on my ass in bed, I mini wiped out and fell back on my bed. I kept doing this over and over while I was saying "No, I feel fine." to my crying mother who thought I was retarded after the surgery.

countryb_cth 38

Saturday 13 June 2015 9:45

Your mom actually cried from that? Does she not know that drugs affect people after surgery? I'm not being rude I'm genuinely asking, I've never heard of a mom crying after their kid was loopy after surgery.

Brandi_Faith 33

Saturday 13 June 2015 22:07

I hope she was crying from laughter.

TenebrionHZ 5

Sunday 14 June 2015 1:53

She is the emotional type. We're laughing about it now tho'. Nothing to worry about!

QQmore_fml 18

Saturday 13 June 2015 8:09

Typical day as a doctor, I suspect.

rohaanncool 15

Saturday 13 June 2015 8:31

hope someone would say that for Engineers too.

Mmmsushi 14

Saturday 13 June 2015 8:34

I fought with my nurse that I had my pants on because my foot was through the very bottom of the pantleg and was very frustrated when she told me she needed to pull up my pants for them to actually be useful. They've seen the worst, I'm sure they're used to it. It's okay OP :)

lovelockdown23 23

Saturday 13 June 2015 9:06

I was extremely doped up after an emergency c section with my son and whenever they'd bring him to me so I could see him I would say "take him back I want brown rice on my Chipotle burrito not white." needless to say it took two full days for me to actually see him for the first time.