Kids One happy family

One happy family

Anonymous - 15/07/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

eww - 13/06/2012 06:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

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Don't mention it

PoorGramps - 09/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

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Pissed

TJ. - - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

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girlmeetsworld - 18/02/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

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sillymink - 20/08/2016 02:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML

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NaKreen - 30/07/2012 22:21 - Sweden - Bor

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

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Monroe - 23/06/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

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MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

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Share, not scare

Anonymous - 18/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML

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pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

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ali671 1

Monday 16 July 2012 2:12

Don't be such a tight ass about it

coolbrony12 3

Monday 16 July 2012 2:13

Hm. Shocking.

leering_tub19 4

Monday 16 July 2012 6:25

The real question here is how did he reach the bug zapper to begin with?!?!

demonmonkey 13

Monday 16 July 2012 6:30

I wonder if he'll grow up to have an electricity fetish......

talloctopus 7

Monday 16 July 2012 6:44

He deserves that shit. Hahaha

KayleeT 9

Monday 16 July 2012 7:53

You don't have to call him a little shit. Kids will be kids. I swear, people will do anything these days to try and victimize themselves. Why don't you try and help him .. You know, being the older cousin and all ...

helenaa_luvsyew 2

Monday 16 July 2012 8:11

dude. what was he doing with a bug zapper anyways..

ugh_a_lug 7

Monday 16 July 2012 8:41

I really don't see how it is your life that us ******. First, you weren't the one zapped. Second, it wasn't even a sibling that ran up to you, it was your cousin. Your cousin went to you before his parents. I know if I was him I would not go to my cousins. He obviously feels that he has a close relationship with you. Be grateful for that. Third, it was at a family dinner. Who is going to be there that will judge you for a relative coming up up you crying? Unless that's how you swing, your secret lover isn't there to judge and neither is your arch enemy who will blackmail you forever with this information. Probably nobody gave a shit except you. Finally, I hate FMLs that end with "I can't believe I raised/taught/related to this idiot/ little shit" or some variant. Phew! I'm glad I got that out!