Embarrassing, Awkward Health Get me out of here - FML

Get me out of here

seekerglow176 - - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Night time entertainment

Anonymous -

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

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Courtesy visit

hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

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The cycle begins

seriously? - - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

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Anonymous - 29/01/2016 19:12 - United States - Watonga

Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML

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Hungover

RedheadA - - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML

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Out of my mind

Anonymous - - United Kingdom - London

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

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Caturday surprise!

keeperstride - - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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Second class citizen

crapped on - - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

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Self report

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

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Surprising

Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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grayeyedmarine 14

Saturday 27 April 2013 19:32

what what in the butt

lilhellian 26

Saturday 27 April 2013 19:32

Butt **** here, butt **** there, butt **** everywhere!

WICKEDxANGEL 13

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:04

Wowzers

calipilot227 16

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:14

Damn, I would've busted out Comfortably Numb...

nattynatters 14

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:15

I honestly want to know the lyrics. Must be inspirational.

dubiedue 8

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:19

Hahahahahahaha this is awesome!

JessiKitty_lol 7

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:32

I hope you recorded it and uploaded it to YouTube xD

lincolnkite 6

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:34

The new David after the dentist.

perdix 29

Saturday 27 April 2013 21:41

It was probably better than "Mata Fata Gentle Man!"

happylawyer 16

Sunday 28 April 2013 5:30

Anything is beter than that...even Gangnam Style.

kaoszombie 6

Saturday 27 April 2013 22:13

Well, how did the song go?

feeshaa13 15

Sunday 28 April 2013 0:39

That's what I wanna know!

SwampNut 8

Saturday 27 April 2013 22:17

YouTube?

perdix 29

Saturday 27 April 2013 22:21

Yes, right up HerTube. The muscle relaxers will sure help;)

thatoneguythere1 3

Saturday 27 April 2013 22:23

how did the song go

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

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Today, I'm an adjudicator for our school's debate team, collectively I have over 20 years experience both as a debater and as an adjudicator, and yet I have no idea how my daughter manages to convince me she deserves an extra dessert and to stay up an hour past bedtime every single day. FML

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Today, after being severely depressed for a week, I was having sex with my boyfriend when got so anxious that I threw up. FML

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Today, marks the 3rd day I can't access my institutional login. It's also a replacement public holiday, meaning both the library and IT center aren't open too. My 2500 word Stylistics essay is due in two days. I have 0 words and near-0 understanding on the theory my lecturer told me to use. FML

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Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of four months obsessing over that shithead. FML

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Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

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