Thief

Nice try

By Ellie - 06/07/2022 00:01

Today, I was ringing up a lady’s items; two shoeboxes. Per policy, I’m supposed to open them. She heavily insisted I didn’t. I ignored her and found other merchandise inside. She then went on a rant on how "people should mind their own fucking business" and stormed out of the store without buying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 132

Broke ass dad

By anonymous - 19/03/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 102

You deserved it 2 978

Don't out people, people

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 00:01 - United States - New York

Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 308

You deserved it 226

Artful dodger

By Anonymous - 13/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my chemotherapy has knocked me so I couldn’t even climb stairs at the train station. Another passenger helped me to the top, which I was so grateful for until I realised he was a pickpocket. On one staircase he got away with my wallet, phone, earphones, and gold bracelet FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 87

Thievery

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 318

You deserved it 4 074

The long game

By Lost - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, so I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 158

You deserved it 2 716

The Nerf of some people

By Anonymous - 27/11/2018 13:30

Today, I took my son to festival at a local church. He had a Nerf gun as part of his costume, but when I set it down to put something in my bag, someone walked off with it. We can't even go to a church function without running into thieves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 297

We gave already

By Lou - 08/05/2024 20:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, someone broke into the underground parking garage. They ignored the Mercedes, the old and new BMWs and the Porsche, and smashed the window of my Fiat 500. They stole a 5€ note. Repair costs: 400€. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 109

We should do this again some time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 568

You deserved it 2 491

Stone the crows

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 87

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 212

You deserved it 1 632

It's a doggy dog world

By Zach Got Robbed - 08/01/2014 23:02 - United States - Clifton

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 433

You deserved it 5 323

Who stole Chewbacca?

By Tate - 16/04/2022 12:00

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 139

He needs them more than you

By cjj325 - 20/03/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 041

You deserved it 32 543

Shiny shiny

By me! - 25/03/2021 17:01

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 187

Name names

By James - 30/03/2022 04:00

Today, and every time I try my hand at content creating, I get 0 appreciation or recognition, beyond bigger content creators stealing my work and ideas as their own, and seeing them get the many 10s of thousands of views I could have gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 283

Fortnite thievery

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 16:01

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 71

Spooky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 20:04

Today. my nana got a text from my dead grandad's phone number. His phone was stolen about 3 weeks before he died, but the shock of suddenly getting a text from him after the funeral gave her a heart attack. The doctor says with her other health issues, she might not make it through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 63

Keep quiet

By PoorAndabroke - 28/05/2022 22:00

Today, I learned that you shouldn’t announce on social media that you’re leaving on vacation for a week. Your house might get broken into, and all your electronics will be missing. They were kind enough to leave a note saying, “If you can afford a vacation, you can afford to replace all this shit. Have fun!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 1 445

Give it back

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 147

You deserved it 4 310

By alex - 14/03/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 810

You deserved it 10 078

Tone police

By Firstborn - 16/05/2017 19:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 293

You deserved it 278

Help yourself

By RedHotRoses - 20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 362

You deserved it 296

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 981

You deserved it 3 206

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 912

You deserved it 191

Pet alert

By K.A. - 29/11/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my Thanksgiving sucks, pretty much bummed because someone dognapped my Shiba Inu as I went inside a store. I'm trying not to stress, even though all I can think of is, "Is he OK? Has he eaten?" Fuck, I miss my darn dog. The audacity of this person. Literally disheartening. Hopefully he returns to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 162

Nicked it

By Imdead - 14/09/2018 22:00

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person had decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 242

By jennlikewhoa - 18/07/2011 10:07 - United States

Today, I got robbed at the gas station I work at. After only getting $38 dollars out the register, the guy then stole my purse. It had my rent money in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 937

You deserved it 4 545

Distracted

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 12:00

Today, I was having a deep conversation with a woman at a bus stop about philosophy. Little did I know, her boyfriend was rummaging through my purse while she kept my focus. I’m a PhD candidate in philosophy, and it was the best conversation I’d had it months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 251

HAZARDOUS WASTE!

By Anonymous - 07/10/2023 20:00 - Germany

Today, my mom tried to keep her boyfriend from indiscriminately devouring my personal things in the fridge. So, instead of just sticking a note with my name on them, the lids of my jars of homemade pesto are now decorated in sharpie with a motif of “NO! DO NOT EAT!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 133

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 101

You deserved it 34 422

Today, my car broke down because it couldn't wait two more days for an oil change. Now it might be FUBAR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 802

Today, I got stuck with a water-damaged kitchen. The manufacturer says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's a user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 214

Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted to tell me was that Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place. Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 492

You deserved it 2 609

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 996

You deserved it 3 325

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 704