Relatable

Time for some DIY

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 22:00

Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 382

Noooooooooo!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrassed my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 62 593

That first season is a banger though…

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 16:00

Today, I learned that my friend really can't be trusted to set up a party by herself. The only food she provided was tap water, a single sleeve of saltines, and Kraft singles. The only entertainment was Checkers and the first season of Frasier on DVD. We all pooled $250 for her to do this! What the hell happened!? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 190

Judge and jury

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 06:00

Today, I turned 18 and I’m now subject to adult discipline. My dad says I will no longer be grounded or have my phone taken away, but I have three strikes and if I get to three, he’s throwing me out to get my own house. He then gave me my first strike because I was 30 minutes late picking up my nana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 564

Be honest

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 02:00

Today, I've been dating a girl for about a year. After about 5 months, her mom kicked her out so I had her move in with me. She’s super sweet and nice, but we aren’t intellectually compatible, and have wildly different interests. My best friend is everything she isn’t. I'm starting to crush on my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 017

I can't win

By Benjamin - 20/05/2022 00:00

Today, if I try to hurry my wife out of the house before she's ready, she yells at me and we end up not going out, and yet if I leave her to get ready for as long as she needs we are ALWAYS late for our reservation, so we lose the table and she yells at me for not telling her how late we are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 195

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 12:00

Today, it's currently 10:30am on a Thursday and my husband is already so drunk from his several “hair of the dogs” to cure his hangover from last night that he has passed out on the toilet. I had to lie to his boss that he has food poisoning just so he wouldn’t sack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 183

Wake up Boo!

By what a dumbass - 19/05/2022 04:00

Today, my idiot roommate finally realized that a girl who follows you everywhere like a puppy, always wants to talk to you, and "accidentally" sends nudes is into you. Unfortunately, she's since moved on from him. Now I get to listen to him whine about how unfair it all is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 145

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 02:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm 21 and my parents expect me to get married before moving in with my boyfriend. We want to move overseas for our careers before marrying, but my parents think that “if that’s how things are going to be, then it’s best you break up. You need to uphold to our traditions.” I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 241

Share it with us

By Jay - 18/05/2022 06:00

Today, I always thought that my dad never believed in me, but hearing him say it for the first time at 30 was the catalyst for some really hard self-reflection. The fact that I usually bounce all my ideas off him is the hardest to accept. Now who do I share with? FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 147

Mumble rap

By nosy ass bitches - 17/05/2022 12:00

Today, I was stopped and questioned by two officers for walking on a public trail in broad daylight. Someone (I think it was the older woman with the two dogs I saw) claimed there was a strange man in a hoodie mumbling to himself. I was wearing a hoodie, but I’m a woman and I was singing along with my music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 157

Jumpy

By pokemontrainer99 - 17/05/2022 10:00

Today, my mom screamed at me for being startled by her, calling my reaction “unnecessary and extremely rude.” When I tried to explain to her for the millionth time that I startle easily, and it’s involuntary, she told me to “make it voluntary, or else.” I fear what is to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 152

Gender bending

By DaddyDoesn'tLoveMe - 16/05/2022 22:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at age thirty, my dad gave me the first compliment he's ever given me: "Remember to wash the pan out. Oh, and good job doing your chores and your mother's today." And everyone wonders why it took until last year for me to figure out I'm the same gender as this shitbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 397

Acceptance

By Anonymous - 16/05/2022 09:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I'm a closeted trans man, and I feel terrible every time my family calls me "she" or "girl". Help me, I don't know how to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 785

KKK recruitment drive

By lordoftheweird - 16/05/2022 02:00

Today, I had to explain to multiple people that even though I'm white, I have no interest in joining a hate group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 128

Wedding from Wish

By not that cheap - 15/05/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me to quit my bitching and to just order a wedding dress off Wish. I'm willing to get an inexpensive dress and in fact I hate designer labels altogether. However, I draw the line at the cheap, poorly made crap from that site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 240

Mistaken identity

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 07:00 - Brazil - Fraiburgo

Today, after cutting my hair and shaving, I had girls hitting on me for the first time ever! Too bad they thought I was a butch lesbian, not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 158

Genius

By That'sMyBoy - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 449

You deserved it 939

Plan ahead

By Elle - 14/05/2022 16:00

Today, my husband yet again procrastinated on a project for so long, that he now has to work during the weekend. When I asked whether or not we could still spend some free time together, he started ranting about how I ruin his career. He seriously thinks it's about us and not his horrible planning skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 157

Stand up to bullying? Nah

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 12:00

Today, I learned that when you stand up to a bully in a bar, it never ends like it does in the movies, the bully doesn’t get knocked out, and you don’t get the girl. What you get is a trip to hospital, banned from the bar, and the girl goes home with the bully while you lie in the ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 552

There there

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 10:00

Today, my husband came home mid-day and told me he could never EVER go back to our local Starbucks. A fart had gone wrong. Horrifically wrong. On a day he wore shorts. Have you ever had to hold in laughter while comforting someone having an existential crisis? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 156

To the point

By forever alone - 14/05/2022 04:00

Today, after years struggling with obesity, alcoholism, and mental illness, I finally decided I'd fixed myself up enough to try dating. The first girl I went out with said, "You're 31 and you've never dated? Sorry to break it to you, but nobody's going to want to walk a 31-year-old through Dating 101." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 212

Welcome to the rest of your life

By no ohhhh - 14/05/2022 02:01

Today, I finally had sex after 3 long years. It lasted less than a minute, followed by 2 hours of talking about anime.. I'm in my 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 472

Enough is enough

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 18:00

Today, if my blood pressure rises too high I get migraines that cripple me for days, even with medication. I can’t let myself get stressed, I can’t exercise, I can’t stand up too fast if I’ve been sitting or lying down, I definitely can’t have sex, and I also can’t drink coffee. Someone shoot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 129

Pleased to see you too

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my wife, who I haven’t seen for over a month because we both travel a lot for work, got home. The last thing she said to me was that she couldn't wait to get home because she just wants some alone time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 237

ED FML

By please don’t… - 13/05/2022 06:00

Today, as always, my parents wait until I go into the kitchen to drop what they’re doing, rush into the kitchen, and stare at me while I’m making food. They also comment on what I’m eating. I’ve had seven therapists and none of them were able to help me with my embarrassment surrounding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 141

He's got the look

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my uncle visited for the first time in three years. It would have been very wholesome, if not for the fact that I got to see for myself just how badly his health has deteriorated. He's morbidly obese, a heavy smoker, and his voice is terrifying. I almost thought he was a pedophile when I first saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 191

Taking liberties

By Squeak! - 12/05/2022 16:00

Today, I bought some mouse traps that instructed me to avoid touching them with my bare hands, as human smells would deter the mice from the traps. I was woken up at 2 a.m. by a mouse crawling on my head. I don't think my smell is an issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 104

No pain, no gain

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, it's been a week since I got a gastric balloon to help me lose weight. On the plus side, I've lost 5kg. On the downside, it's been one week of vomiting, diarrhea, not being able to eat solid food, and stomach cramps so painful that it feels like I'm constantly being stabbed. 15 weeks to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 282

Life goes on

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 02:00

Today, I found an old photo album in my Facebook account, which had pictures of previous hangouts with people I called friends at the time. I deleted it because they progressively cut ties with me over time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 251

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my husband put up one of those sticky fly trap strips behind our toilet. I was tired and didn't notice it in the dark bathroom. I leaned back and it stuck in my hair. I didn't notice the dead flies in my hair until I went to buy lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 259

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 595

You deserved it 3 378

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 003

You deserved it 1 059

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 702

You deserved it 3 833

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 42 600

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 785

You deserved it 9 360