Relatable

By c.hip - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the next 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 217

You deserved it 11 041

This is America

By Anonymous - 24/09/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 799

Thanks, I hate it

By Clara - 23/09/2023 22:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, for my birthday, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a lovingly hand-decorated candle, and my first positive Covid test ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 123

Seller appreciation day

By Anon. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 496

You deserved it 6 347

Humblebrag or what?

By Anonymous - 23/09/2023 08:00 - Canada - Greater Sudbury

Spicy

Today, I had my third threesome with my fiancée and our friend. We are moving in together and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about her lips against mine, or how she feels when we fuck. I wish I had met her first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 1 068

Brothers in arms

By MitchRapp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 564

You deserved it 1 759

Thirst post

By No luck - 22/09/2023 11:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’m seriously considering hiring a professional if you catch my drift. I try to put myself out there but I’m so self-conscious about my mastectomy scars that the thought of anyone seeing me naked sends me into a heaving sobbing anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 149

Asshole design

By mala_19 - 22/09/2023 16:00 - Sweden - Burea

Today, I had to drive through a parking lot that they fucked up so bad that you have to put your car in reverse to go around it. I have to go there 6 times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 106

There is no "normal"

By Anonymous - 22/09/2023 02:00 - United States - Aldie

Today, two years after my toxic and self-centered ex-wife left me, I got remarried, but I feel like it broke my trust in people, which I used to. I now feel I don’t do enough for my present; I do better than most and have got more than average people, but I'm still too hurt and depressed to be normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 216

We're playing those mind games together

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 08:00

Today, I'm now at the point in my marriage where I’ve stopped caring, so when my wife says, “I’m fine” I’m going to treat her like she’s fine. I’ll maybe post an update with details of how long she goes from, “I’m fine” to screaming at me for not playing along with her mind games anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 170

Balls!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 23:02

Today, via legal bollocks, I got nothing from my husband in the divorce, even though he cheated on me. On my wage, I can’t afford to live in this area anymore, so I have to move and quit my job to get another job wherever I end up moving. This is why people hate lawyers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 327

Practice makes perfect

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 05:00 - Ukraine

Today, I have a permanently injured right hand. Social media star Real86Hands has no hands. Guess which one of us has better penmanship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 497

Royal flush

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 04:00

Today, I'm exhausted. My antidepressants ran out, making me overreact to everything. My friends dragged me into really childish drama, resulting in me ditching them. Then my work laptop broke on the most important day of my project. Then I got my first break from work in about a year… and woke up with COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 165

Sounds like a win, somehow

By George - 17/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 143

Put some steel toe boots on

By TheMadKian - 17/09/2023 10:00

Today, I went to shut the door and ended up banging my toe on my guitar stand; then, as I was getting a snack out of a closet, I banged my toe again on the drawer and now I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 275

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 166

Use your imagination

By ANT-BOOGIE - 16/09/2023 20:00

Today, my boss emailed everyone in the company, thanking us for record sales. As a result, all of us are getting bonuses. The staff responded with how thankful they were. I chimed in, using A.I.'s Chat GPT. It was perfect. My boss responded, "Did you just use Chat GPT?" then put me on blast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 231

Doggone right!

By Emilia - 16/09/2023 14:00

Today, my boyfriend went out and bought a pistol. When I asked him in horror why he did such a thing, he said, "It's my God-given right as a US citizen!" We're not even American, we immigrated from the UK, and we were both atheists, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 423

The opposite of vibing

By AuraOfJustice - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her, "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an, "OK, bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 683

You deserved it 10 045

Gunk

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 15/09/2023 14:00 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, I discovered the filter and drain thingy on my front end loader washing machine. I've had the machine for 7 years. I should've worn a gas mask cleaning it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 337

Anyone could've waltzed in

By DTMM - 15/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 551

They're out to get me

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 16:00

Today, the last 8 spiders found in the house have all been in my bedroom. Not the kitchen, or my sister's room, or our parents' room, or front room, laundry, or garage. Always in my room. I’m the only one in the house scared of spiders. The bastards are haunting me, trying to scare me to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 150

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 164

Wow, thanks, I'm unfatted

By Shellie - 13/09/2023 20:00

Today, after trying to report my coworkers for bullying me for being fat, HR seriously had the gall to say to not let it get to me and if I’m so bothered by it, then I should do something about it and improve my lifestyle. Apparently, “You can’t control people, but you can control your circumstances.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 491

Classic nice guy rhetoric

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 00:02

Today, the girl I like would rather meet potential partners online, some in different states, and wonders why nothing works out. Apparently the guy who took her on dates, AKA me, is just friend material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 841

Living beyond your means

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 1 079

Afraid of the dark

By Katie - 12/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 210

RIP

By Anon - 11/09/2023 17:00 - New Zealand

Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 1 139

Out of the frying pan, into the fire

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 15:01

Today, I've been home from prison for over a week, I still don't have a job or a vehicle, and my mom keeps checking my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 1 646

Nolongeracriminal tells us more.

Nolongeracriminal 16

Monday 11 September 2023 14:55

OP here. I have since received an offer, took it, then had multiple offers at other places. Things are working out on this end. Been working all my hours plus some and got a truck. Making a come up after spending 7 years in the clink. Thanks for all the support guys/gals!!! 🙏

Message in a bottle

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 02:30

Today, after growing tired of my friends group leaving me behind every time and having secrets between them, I started to ignore them and stopped following them, without saying anything. They haven't spoken to me since, and it's been 7 months. I'm alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 162

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The Top

Today, I got my mom (who is a diabetic) a set of sugar-free chocolates for Mother's Day. Everything was fine on that day, and my mom decided to share them since I bought a good sized box. I was perfectly fine, but my mom had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the day. I'll never buy THOSE again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 67

Today, I saw some pictures of my boyfriend drunkenly kissing his ex on Facebook. I asked him about it, and he reassured me the pictures were from months ago. Unfortunately for him, I happened to notice a small tattoo on his neck. The same tattoo I went with him just last week to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 767

You deserved it 3 634

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 113

You deserved it 33 508

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 877

You deserved it 8 057

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about superheroes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 725

You deserved it 4 145

Today, a coworker sent a last-minute request for a highly complex custom report based on a spreadsheet. It took most of the weekend and Monday to get right because he'd screwed up most of the calculations. The client was pissed; they'd wanted it done by 5PM GMT that Friday. He'd sat on the request until 5 EST Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 87