Miscellaneous

Procrastinating my life away

By Beatrix - 11/11/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to be productive and got dressed in real clothes instead of sweatpants. I spent the next four hours on the couch binge-watching Netflix and pretending I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 398

Freestyle

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 12:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I'd practiced for a slam poetry night all day. When I got up on stage, I forgot all of it and, for some reason, and my brain refused to improvise around my planned themes, so I launched into a totally unrelated rant about how confusing microwaves are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 215

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to sound like I had my life together by bragging to a friend about how I meal prep every week. In reality, I’m sitting here eating a cold slice of pizza for lunch that I found in the back of my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 579

Get me out of this time loop!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into an old friend at the grocery store and told them, "Let’s catch up soon!" We then ran into each other in every single aisle. It got awkwarder and awkwarder, and by the fifth time I was pretty sure neither of us wanted to see the other ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 143

Emotional

By Shellz - 09/11/2024 22:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my mom sent me a text that said "You're my favorite!" and I got all emotional. Then I realized she'd accidentally sent it to our family group chat. My siblings were furious, and she tried to backtrack by calling all of us her "favorites." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 117

Four more years of this shit

By NotaDTfan - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my elderly neighbor came crying to me about the horrible thing someone had done outside. I hurried out to find a big pile of dog shit with the head of Donald Trump stuck into it. I had to fake a coughing fit so she wouldn't realize I was laughing. I'm not sure I got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 287

You deserved it 1 001

Treat yourself

By Terri - 08/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, in order to have a nice relaxing bubble bath, I lit candles, played soothing music, and poured myself a glass of wine. Just as I was about to get in, I slipped on a patch of wet floor, dumped the wine on myself, and fell backward into the tub… that didn't have any water in it. Now I’m soaked in wine and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 143

Influencer is a dangerous job

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was taking a selfie in a café because the lighting was perfect. As I leaned back for the perfect angle, my chair tipped over, and I fell to the ground in front of a bunch of people. The barista was so concerned, he came over with a first aid kit, while I just wanted to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 735

The R-word

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 08:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I completely forgot the word "redeem", I had to Google search it. I was trying to look for the word that started with an "R" that was used when you use a coupon. All I could remember about the word was that it started with an "R". FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 120

Nice neighborhood you've got here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 898

You deserved it 4 118

Deep cut

By It's a horrible song lmao - 07/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I lost my phone while at the store with my mom. She decided to call it, and that's when I remembered that my ringtone for her is the song "Mother" by The Police. The weirded-out stares I got as I picked up my phone have become a core memory that I absolutely did not want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 372

Chivalry

By Anonymous - 07/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, while holding the door open for a stranger, I thought I was being polite. She walked through, smiled at me, and said, "Thanks, but you didn’t have to follow me into the bathroom." I hadn’t noticed the door led to the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 399

Trashed

By Millie07 - 07/11/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was walking to my car after grocery shopping when I dropped my heavy-ass bag, which then ripped. Everything spilled out, and while I was picking it up, a kind stranger ran over to help me… by accidentally stepping on and smashing my carton of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 96

Incinerate

By Laurence - 07/11/2024 09:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, while cooking dinner, I managed to set my oven mitt on fire. In my panic, I tried to throw it in the sink, but it landed on a stack of t-shirts, which were lying on the counter. Both the mitt and my favorite Sonic Youth t-shirt now have matching burn holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 429

Not fair

By Sorry? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 540

You deserved it 828

Trash day

By AlfieBoyo - 06/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 141

The View

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me during an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 380

You deserved it 7 947

Blood is thicker than shit

By Anonymous - 06/11/2024 05:00 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, my father is living with me because he's broke, but sometimes he has temper tantrums and calls me a son of a bitch. I can't stand to be name-called when I support him 1000%, and then we got into a violent physical fight. We both end up hurt, so I want to kick him out of my house, but I can't because he won't leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 166

Time to get chomping

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 22:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ordered groceries online and thought I’d gotten a good deal on apples. I didn't notice they were sold individually, so now I have 36 apples sitting in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 428

Floundering

By Gerry - 05/11/2024 09:00 - Ireland

Today, I was at a friend’s wedding, and when it came time to make a toast, I tried to stand up to make a speech. My suit jacket got caught on the chair, and I ended up falling flat on my back. The speech was drowned out by everyone laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 100

TikTokers vs. YouTubers

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was making a TikTok in the bathroom mirror. Right as I was finishing up, my little brother burst in, shouted, "That's going on YouTube!" and ran off. Guess what he did five minutes later? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 649

I'm so tired

By Anonymous - 04/11/2024 08:00 - United States - Romeoville

Today, I'm locked out of my phone, out of my email, and out of my credit card. All websites to restore access to all of these send text messages to your phone or an app to unlock them. On top of that, I only got 3 hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 100

I am the passenger

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 13:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 71

Podcasters need to be stopped

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 340

Get off!

By disembob - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 739

You deserved it 3 464

A lot going on

By Anonymous - 01/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, I found all of my underwear frozen in my freezer. I put my underwear in the washer before I left for work. I then put them in the dryer. I woke up and tried to put them on several times thinking I was missing the pant holes. I finally turned on the lights to see that each leg hole was sewn shut, all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 126

Mortifying

By whatashame - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 560

You deserved it 80 762

Not you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - Chile - Santiago

Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 259

Cursed

By Anonymous - 31/10/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween fog machine to make my front yard look spooky. I didn’t realize it would set off my house's fire alarm when I tested it before putting it on the front porch. I ended up outside in full costume while firefighters checked my “haunted” house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 420

Swiss cheese

By Anonymous - 30/10/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is furious at me because she made a memory box for our kids, with objects linked to milestones, silly memories, holidays and so on, and try as I might I couldn’t identify a single damn one of them, except for a paint sampler from the time we repainted the whole house in one weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 460

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 507

Today, I called my new boyfriend by my ex’s name. Twice. In the same conversation. I’m having trouble saying anything while looking at him in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 488

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 644

You deserved it 39 090

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 901

You deserved it 4 285

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 548

You deserved it 51 167

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 961

You deserved it 18 651