Miscellaneous

By Ariella - 29/08/2011 04:06 - Singapore

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 876

You deserved it 2 464

By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 240

You deserved it 8 177

By ant_hater - 28/08/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 648

You deserved it 2 532

Piercing wit

By piercingfreak - 28/08/2011 10:41 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 897

You deserved it 4 133

By CooBerry3851 - 28/08/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 724

You deserved it 3 259

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 23:07 - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 521

You deserved it 5 647

By concertqueen - 27/08/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 561

You deserved it 2 768

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 573

You deserved it 67 706

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 504

You deserved it 6 656

By Alexis - 26/08/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 147

You deserved it 3 239

By Peekaboo - 26/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 048

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, not long after having had my college volleyball scholarship confirmed, I broke my ankle after stepping on and tripping over a toy my baby sister had left out. No scholarship and no college whatsoever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 754

You deserved it 3 023

scooterr14 tells us more.

scooterr14 5

Saturday 27 August 2011 8:52

im OP.and the break was bad enough that the scholarship was revoked. im not gonna be able to play volleyball for a few years due to ligament damage. im an outside hitter and i wont be able to jump. i could switch to libero but i wouldnt even manage to red shirt. my grades are not high enough for academic entrance

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 8 651

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 438

You deserved it 2 602

By Marty - 24/08/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 593

You deserved it 2 609

By Trimacle - 24/08/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 591

You deserved it 15 832

By skichick54 - 24/08/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 304

You deserved it 3 741

By Kendal - 23/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 181

You deserved it 49 837

By jarrettsorko - 23/08/2011 16:38 - Canada

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 6 452

By kykynevs - 23/08/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 2 869

By socialdisease - 22/08/2011 15:58 - United States

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 811

You deserved it 5 114

Freaked out

By No Action Fighter - 22/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 233

You deserved it 3 437

By Sally - 22/08/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 69 471

By Bobby ray slice - 22/08/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 2 813

By Anonymous - 21/08/2011 19:48 - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 3 416

By lala7 - 20/08/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot, while whispering, "Jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 2 577

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 506

You deserved it 2 852

By shitless88 - 20/08/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 876

You deserved it 4 271

By Reena - 19/08/2011 06:38 - Canada

Today, I got woken up by a text from an unknown number at 3 am saying, "haha I found your number." I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. After hours of trying to fall asleep, my drowsiness was disturbed by another text from the same person saying, "Sorry, wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 677

You deserved it 4 231

By ms_nothing - 19/08/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to register for college classes with my mom. Upon leaving, my mom confessed to me that she thinks I will get pregnant and drop out before my freshman year is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 058

You deserved it 3 917

ms_nothing tells us more.

ms_nothing 10

Friday 19 August 2011 22:16

My mom went to college in her 30s. She got pregnant with me her senior year in high school, and waited til she was in her 30s to go to college. I plan on proving her wrong. I've never done anything to make her say something like that.