Home improvement

By HBCruiser - 14/07/2019 02:30

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 177

Fantasy research

By tillyg15 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Droitwich

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 769

You deserved it 5 055

All shook up

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 15:00 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, in an effort to save some money, I attempted to paint my own house. Instead, I fell off the ladder and broke my dominant arm. Now I can’t work, brush my teeth, or even wipe my ass. My house is half-painted with stuff everywhere and I have 6 weeks to recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 281

Plumbed out

By MariosNightmare - 17/12/2020 22:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, what should've been a five-minute job replacing a drain turned into a 2 hour ordeal just to remove the old one. The original part was put in incorrectly, so whoever did it used a full tube of silicone to make it watertight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 72

Poisoned chalice

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 05:00

Today, my great aunt left me her house in her will. She probably thought she was doing something nice, but unfortunately she has no head for practical matters and ownership included both her mortgages, so by the time I sold her house and paid the mortgages, I’m now £140,000 in the hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 201

Cut him some slack

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the dishes. My lazy dad just leaves his dishes in the sink without even wiping or rinsing them out, and it's been going on for weeks. When I confronted him about it, he gave a childish huff and said, "Well, next time, YOU make me breakfast!" He's unemployed and never does the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 154

Welcome home

By evilsandwich - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 737

You deserved it 2 194

Slumming it

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 124

Heavy sleeper

By tootles - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was kicked out of my parents' house, so I ended up sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I was then awoken by a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 656

You deserved it 6 385

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I moved into my first house and realised pretty quick that my estate agent lied to me about how great this neighbourhood was. I was in the house for 30 minutes when I heard the neighbours having a screaming domestic in their garden, then a brick flew over the fence and broke my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 135

OCD

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, the room I am renting from an old lady is stuffed with porcelain figures, etc. I carefully put them into the drawers to create some space for the books I need for college. While I was gone, she used her key and put all the porcelain figures back on the shelves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 141

Filtered

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 22:59 - Canada - Port Moody

Today, I discovered that my dishwasher has a filter. I cleaned out food from it that has never been in my kitchen since I moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 354

Oh, hai Mark!

By Bribri - 18/11/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 923

You deserved it 2 475

Technique

By onlyintx - 19/07/2021 11:01

Today, after 3 days of vigorously scrubbing primer on the walls with a painting roller, I finally realized that simply re-wetting the roller after each stroke is the correct and easier way. Dang, can I be slow to catch on sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 1 016

Piss off

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 12:00

Today, I had to deal with my crazy new neighbour who tried to physically stop me from laying my new driveway, on my property, because she claimed she’s allergic to cement while it’s still wet. Even if that were true, piss off back to your house away from the wet cement then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 102

Everything in its right place

By Fail - 01/01/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I moved my dad's chair to look for my phone, but forgot to put it back. When my dad came back, he tried to sit down in the area where his chair usually is, but instead fell down on the floor, yelling, "YOU MOVED MY CHAIR!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 320

New neighbors

By Jules - 06/07/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, I got up, curtains still closed, and in the dim light noticed something dark on the floor, which wasn’t there yesterday. I turned on the light to find out what it was. A tiny ant hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 130

Deadly cocktail

By blame the maid - 14/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 184

Get bent

By Garage: 1 Me: 0 - 11/10/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, my old ass garage door got bent while I was trying to close it. I broke nearly all of my fingernails trying to force it back into place. Time to get a new garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 126

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 00:00

Today, the crazy bitch next door called the cops for me spying on her from my bathroom window. That window was painted shut by the previous owner, and I haven’t unsealed it yet. I had to show this to the cops to prove I have no illegal motive for pissing in my own toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 79

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 319

You deserved it 263

Tornado warning

By DontWorryImDead - 04/04/2022 10:00

Today, it's been more than 3 days since a tornado ripped through my neighborhood. Several were injured, and there is millions of dollars of damage. Not a single family member has called, texted, or stopped by to see if I need help or got injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 104

Wealth

By Anonymous - 09/04/2023 04:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, the DA approval for my renovation finally went through. I'm getting my garage knocked down, rebuilt, and the bathroom extended by 1.2m. The bad news is that the only quote I've been able to get is for $300,000. Might as well rebuild the whole house for that amount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 176

Family tension

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 14:00

Today, it’s been a year since my brother-in-law started sleeping on our sofa. At first I had sympathy, but he hasn’t even been looking for a job, so when I found him wearing my robe, drinking my sherry, in my armchair, I evicted his ass. Now I’m the one sleeping on the sofa because my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 154

Amityville

By bumpinthenight - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 441

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 04:00

Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 99

Does not spark joy

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 04:00 - Germany

Today, my neighbor respects that I keep a clean house, with no street shoes allowed inside. I bet that’s why he came in wearing felt slippers. Unfortunately, they were same ones he'd walked across the wet, dirty yard in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 127

Cowboy contractors

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 05:01

Today, my recently built semi-detached house is so cheap and shoddily put together, I can both hear and feel the vibrations of my grossly obese neighbour farting in her sleep. No joke, every time she farts, I feel it vibrating my bed frame through the floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 193

Smell you later

By razzipost1 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I came home from work to my basement flooding. With sewage. That wasn't from our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 575

You deserved it 2 108

Gentrification strikes!

By Anonymous - 05/03/2020 06:01

Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 256

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Cats Embarrassing Roommate Miscellaneous Awkward Clothes Job interview Work Childfree Parents Homeowners Neighbours Home improvement Vacation Camping Holidays Annoying Stalker Kids Relatable Health Doctor Bikes Scary Family NSFW YouTube Dogs Death Animals

The Top

Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 154

You deserved it 2 171

Today, I opened up to my boyfriend about being sexually abused in the past. He said it explains why I'm "such a bitch" when it comes to personal contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 2 339

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 67

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 411

You deserved it 76 593

Today, I went to visit my grandmother. My grandfather recently died, so I had gotten her a cat for comfort. Turns out in her sadness, she had forgotten about the cat. I found its remains being eaten by ants and birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 443

Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 111