Cats

Summer lovin'

By I wish I was making this up - 15/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 119

Heftychonk

By Wha happen? - 11/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my cat went from a badass huntress to the tuxedo equivalent of Garfield in just four years. She's only 6. I don't overfeed her and try very hard to keep her active. I have no idea why she got so fat and lazy. I do know that dealing with bugs by myself is something I can't afford to do adequately right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 182

Happy Fourth of July

By Help - 05/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my cats from fireworks. Problem is, I also have really sensitive hearing, so fireworks are distressing to me as well. My cats didn't take kindly to me being distressed and just became more irritable. They took their irritability out on me. Now I look like I fought a bear or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 190

Poor kitty

By Sorry kitty - 30/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out while pet-sitting that a white cat is no easier to see in the dark than a black cat. I also found out that this particular cat doesn't take kindly to being accidentally kicked, even if it wasn't that hard. My feet have seen better days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 314

Catch!

By MouseChaser - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 088

You deserved it 28 751

Like that scene in Alien!

By Orange cat behavior - 13/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 176

The betrayal of floof

By Chris - 12/06/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to give my cat a bath after he got into the attic and got covered in all sorts of shit. Halfway through, he freaked out, jumped out of the tub, and ran around the house dripping wet. He then hid under my bed, and I had to practically dismantle it to get him out. Now my bedroom smells like wet fur and broken trust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 359

This is mine now

By tessamarque - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 4 623

Orange tabbies rule!

By What did I get myself into - 05/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I got a new kitten. He's orange, and definitely fits the stereotypes. I've already had to stop him from killing himself or otherwise getting into dangerous areas four times. I can't leave him alone for more than five seconds. Please tell me this is not a sign of the times to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 314

Sixth sense

By What does she know? - 27/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I've known for a while that my cat can sense when I'm not feeling good, as she gets more clingy than usual. I've been a bit under the weather as of late, not really sick, but just a little off, and she keeps meowing nonstop and refuses to leave me alone for any reason whatsoever. I'm honestly very concerned now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 122

Naughty boy

By At least they think he's cute - 25/05/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I was in an online meeting when my cat decided to say hello. To do this, he walked in front of my screen, completely obscuring it in his fur. He then logged me out of the meeting by walking across the keyboard. Three times. Every time I tried to pick him up to make him stop, he got upset and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 447

My one true friend

By When all else fails, talk to the kitty - 21/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 106

Phones are bad for you

By Katie - 14/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 181

Sympathetic

By Sorry kitty - 14/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 156

Sneaky girl

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I came home from work to pet-sit 2 dogs and 3 cats, only to find the dispenser for the cat food empty. I'd filled the dispenser yesterday and thought I'd placed it where the dogs couldn't reach it after I left for work. The Labrador could in fact reach, and a week's worth of cat food is now in her stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 201

Curiosity killed the AC

By Cat owner - 10/05/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my cat tried to look out my bedroom window. To do so, she tried to stand on my air conditioner. She was unsuccessful in that endeavor, almost knocking my TV over and fucking up the side panel. Now there's an opening in my window that I can't close up. Guess I'll take the AC out and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 133

Little devil

By Girlie - 07/05/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I decided to treat myself to a relaxing bubble bath. Mid-soak, I heard a loud crash and realized my cat had knocked over a shelf, sending shampoo bottles and bath salts tumbling into the water. Now I'm stuck cleaning up a soapy mess instead of enjoying my spa time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 175

Messy

By Anonymous - 06/05/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, my cat has a new hobby: She goes fishing. As in she catches the frogs out of the ornamental pond, then walks into my freshly mopped kitchen with dripping wet, muddy feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 172

Sweep sweep

By PghSportsNation - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 885

You deserved it 4 486

Over the rainbow bridge

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 03:00 - United States - White Plains

Today, I walked outside and found our kitten, my kids' favorite pet, convulsing and choking on the carport. Nothing we did helped and she died in my arms five minutes later. We've buried her, and I'm dreading going home and telling my boys that she's passed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 123

Caturday visitor

By Bored - 27/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I once again came to the realization of how boring my life is when I noticed that the stray cat in my yard walks in a really silly manner, and I watched it for what seemed like an eternity, utterly fascinated, until it left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 169

Feral kitty

By Polar Bear 2020 - 24/04/2024 17:30 - India

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 103

You are always on my mind

By Me. - 23/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, it's been almost five years since the cat I grew up with passed away. I STILL have dreams where she's alive and well, only to be utterly crushed when I wake up and realize it's just that: a dream. I also have dreams like this with my grandma, who died last year. I guess I'll never get over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 115

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 102

Heart-wrenching

By number2 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 3 429

Cats rule, dogs drool

By Saved - 11/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 96

Heftychonk

By Backinzi - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 5 086

Human! Come quick!

By He got a lot of treats for that - 09/03/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4AM to my cat clawing at my door and yelling at me. Normally I'd just wait until he stopped, but he was persistent, so I got up and opened the door to see what he wanted. He then corralled me to the laundry room. My dryer was on fire. Good boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 152

Catcalled

By Hmmm - 07/03/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I tried to talk to my cat, but accidentally called him by the wrong name. He responded immediately to the incorrect name I used. Meanwhile, his actual name rarely, if ever, grabs his attention. My cat hates his name. It's way too late to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 487

A Caturday surprise

By fucking cat - 02/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 244

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Kids Gross Death Miscellaneous Mother in law My ex I need your advice Money AITA Love Break-ups Embarrassing Food Family Teachers School Relatable Clumsy Health Healthy Lifestyle Neighbours Animals Cats Cute Transportation Confused Music Concert Annoying

The Top

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 302

You deserved it 4 044

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 8 835

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 11 375

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 382

Today, I had two different tennis shoes on all day and no one noticed, including myself. When I mentioned it to my family, they told me not to worry about it because no one pays attention me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 147

Today, I went to my dad's workplace because my sister was there and I wanted to see my newborn niece. I was overjoyed until my dad came up to me. It had apparently been pretty hectic for the past week, because he was on the verge of another stress-induced heart attack. Yes, another. We had to help him outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 91