Accident

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 114

No turkey for you

By Anonymous - 30/11/2024 10:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, I was on my way to a Thanksgiving dinner, with my dog in her seat in the front of my car. On the entrance ramp to the highway, my rear wheels spun to the left, and then my car spun completely around and hit the guardrail. My car is totaled. I'm broke, but at least my dog wasn't hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 142

Streaming

By Soiled - 12/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 203

You can't explain that

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 16:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I was explaining a complex work issue to my team. I moved my chair back so I could see them all. The leg of my chair went into a hole in the floor, causing it to fall over and me with it. I tried to finish explaining but everyone was laughing so hard they couldn't hear. Then they realized I couldn't get up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 104

Great practice

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 00:02

Today, my step-mom let me practice driving, since I got my permit the other day. I mistook the gas for the brake and launched our dog into the windshield. The dog is okay, but my sister, who was also in the car, will never let me live this down and caught it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 882

Psycho

By deadgirl - 15/05/2021 01:59

Today, I accidentally broke one of my mom’s favorite glasses while she was away. My dad saw and offered to tell her instead that he broke it, because, "let’s face it, if she knew it was you, she’d shove the glass shards down your fucking throat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 142

Good things come in threes

By Stuart Williams - 24/02/2022 12:00

Today, after I fell over and fractured my knee, I've been in hospital for a week. I now have a metal plate in my knee, and am due to be off work for months, I wouldn't mind as much if I hadn't been hit by a car two years ago, spent a week in hospital for a fractured vertebrae, and was off work for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 94

Two in one

By cactii - 16/02/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 468

You deserved it 14 446

Tense

By This complicates things - 06/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my relationship with my sister-in-law has never been the greatest, so I've been trying to improve it. Any progress I may have made was destroyed when I accidentally slammed a car door shut with her hand in it. Good news: Her hand is not broken. Bad news: She absolutely refuses to believe it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 104

Talking Heads song playing?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 07:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 267

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 23:30

Today, I fell over and obviously tried to grab the nearest object to stop myself. It was my boss's skirt, and both my head and the skirt hit the floor at the same time. I can now confirm my boss goes commando and is a natural redhead, and also I’m suspended pending a HR investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 365

Cancel culture

By Anonymous - 17/12/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my insurance canceled my contract, claiming I hadn't paid, even though I had. I only discovered this because I backed into a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 120

The hero we deserved

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 15:00

Today, I helped save three people, including a newborn, when I was sole witness to a bad car crash. My boss said that wasn’t a valid reason to be 4 hours late for work and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 101

Told you so

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 14:00

Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 104

That had to hurt

By SnappyMcOuches - 19/09/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that I not only dislocated two bones in my foot, but also fractured one of those two bones and snapped the other. How did this happen? I tripped over a single stair walking from the bar to the beer garden. I didn't even get to drink anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 694

You deserved it 332

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 297

You deserved it 261

Slow down

By cuz803 - 20/05/2021 17:00

Today, my high school diploma came in the mail. I accidentally ripped the diploma while opening it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 524

Close encounter

By magicalDEATH - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 273

You deserved it 35 737

Crotch rot

By LassieToe - 30/03/2012 03:48 - Australia

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 2 833

By roadkill - 28/02/2011 15:50 - United States

Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 305

You deserved it 2 831

Get back

By Boar - 24/06/2012 20:51 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 2 056

Honest parenting

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 16:00

Today, I hit a parked car and did some damage, so I left a note. My dad called me a moron and, to teach me a life lesson, made me drive back to the car in case the owner hadn’t seen it yet, and remove the note. He actually threatened to smash my PlayStation if I came back without the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 180

Happy feet

By Penguin Slide - 16/08/2022 04:00 - United States - Concord

Today, I went ice skating at a place with the most terrible rental skates. Pair 1 was too worn out, pair 2 too small, pair 3 damaged inside. I thought pair 4 was finally a winner, until I got on the ice and realized the blades were fucked. I went flying forward, landed hard, and slid across the ice like a penguin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 137

Use the force

By BlueMacaw - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 453

You deserved it 4 705

Get outta my way

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 914

You deserved it 4 494

Dad, stop driving my car

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 00:01 - Puerto Rico - Aguas Buenas

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 90

You were framed

By Slippery! - 01/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, while walking through my living room, I slipped and nearly fell, narrowly avoiding hitting my head against a nearby door jamb. What did I slip on, you ask? A single cat treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 169

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 079

You deserved it 758

A tale as old as… well, 2007?

By Melody - 09/10/2024 07:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got my phone fixed after the screen had been shattered for four months straight. Then, the moment they handed it to me, it fell straight to the floor and shattered. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 260

Bathroom break

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 22:00

Today, a guy on Tinder matched with me. I reached for my phone so fast, I slipped and broke my nose against the toilet, then when I tried to use the bowl as support to stand up, my hand slipped and I slammed my broken nose right back onto the toilet. Don’t think Mr Tinder is seeing me tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 417

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I came home from my aunt's funeral to find my basement flooded due to a sewer backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 103

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 116

You deserved it 2 047

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply, "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying, "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 573

You deserved it 2 891

Today, my wife and I had a quickie, then my wife left to fetch our daughter afterward. I wanted to work out, but after that orgasm, I didn't have the energy. I wrote my wife that due to my recent orgasm, I was too weak for sport. Turns out I wrote it to a group chat including my wife and mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 1 873

Today, I was riding my scooter and humming a tune while doing so. It happened to be the tune you hear at weddings. I got married to the garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 758

Today, I went to spend my last $50 on gas, since I get paid in 5 days. I paid for the gas and stepped into the restroom briefly. I came out, only to discover that the attendant had put the gas on the wrong pump, and someone had used it for themselves. My tank is empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 430

You deserved it 6 617