The Top

first of all, my dad is my dad... second, i know my red hair is in my genes...kinda goes w.o saying..genious. third, red hair runs on my mothers side, she just doesnt have red hair. fourth, us red heads ARE the shit.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 21:27 - United States - Foxboro

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 196

You deserved it 7 971

By No thanks - 20/05/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 668

You deserved it 1 508

In a rush

By Crappy - 11/04/2015 12:12 - Canada - Rodney

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 535

You deserved it 3 000

By Ramis182 - 16/12/2013 08:52 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 10 225

You're welcome!

By phonegotlostinthepark - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 523

You deserved it 4 220

By GingerJ - 02/01/2012 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 089

You deserved it 8 366

By Jake - 25/07/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 333

You deserved it 3 703

By tittyboomboom - 24/03/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 980

You deserved it 2 063

Scrubber

By 4_and_20_blackbits - 26/08/2013 08:38 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 620

You deserved it 4 017

By Username - 21/12/2010 05:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 648

You deserved it 4 449

Siren king

By drreeeewwww - 25/11/2014 20:44 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 758

By unexpected_failure - 22/11/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 3 108

Horny and dumb

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 839

You deserved it 1 791

By Sleepy - 09/10/2014 14:10 - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 022

You deserved it 15 686

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 001

You deserved it 25 542

Mood ruiner

By RuinedTheMood - 21/09/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said, "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded, "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 026

You deserved it 13 517

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The Top

Today, I have a job but can't be hired due to technical issues. This means that I'm technically not getting paid yet for the work I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 842

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 182

You deserved it 3 674

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 272

You deserved it 3 059

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 1 399

Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 291

Today, I went on a volunteering trip with a team. We had only a pickup car for like 20 people, so 5 of us squeezed in the back seats while the rest hopped on the back. My knee got stuck right on another guy's crotch and it was impossible for us to change position. We stayed for 40 minutes like that, me feeling his penis the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 148