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My ears! My ears!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 22:00

Today, I heard my son losing his virginity. It was hard not to, I’m disabled and need his assistance to get out of bed, so when I woke up I could hear them in the next room. He sounded like a dying cat, plus he cried afterwards, and she had to comfort him. God I wish I was deaf as well as disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 530

You deserved it 296

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 20:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 101

Jaws

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 00:00 - Philippines - Cebu City

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 112

Spendthrift

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out my significant other has been secretly spending our savings. Inflation was bad enough, but goodbye safety net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 106

Trust

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 06:01

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 1 481

Treacherous smileys

By Steven - 29/08/2021 20:01 - Canada

Today, I added the wrong reaction to a Facebook post, using the laughing smiley instead of the hug, and only noticed two hours later, when my friend wouldn't talk to me because she thought I like found the fact that her dog died funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 309

Blabbermouth

By sigh - 27/11/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, my sister-in-law went into premature labour, and we were asked to keep it quiet. My mother immediately called all her friends and relayed the whole situation in intimate detail. Yet she wonders why they don't spend time with her, and nobody tells her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 131

Get out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's girlfriend, who I’d never met before, openly criticised my two-room flat for not having an extra room to breastfeed her baby in private that wasn’t either my bedroom or bathroom, like she thought they were unclean. How about fuck off to someone else’s flat then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 79

Cousin Ricky

By How about "no"? - 20/10/2025 03:00

Today, my mom cussed at me because I denied my struggling cousin a job at my company, and now it's my fault he and his family will suffer and starve. He was fired from his former job as a payroll officer, and is now blacklisted. Over 30 people got zero on payday, as he later went Living La Vida Loca with his "bonus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 59

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after almost a week of my cursor randomly freezing, I'd had enough and was about ready to go out and get a new computer mouse. It wasn't until just now that I realized nothing was wrong with my mouse. It was running on fumes because I forgot to replace the battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 1 062

TMI Mom

By Why - 01/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 297

Big baby

By Grow the fuck up, boy! - 29/10/2025 00:00

Today, I told my 15 year-old son that I was taking my wife to a fancy restaurant for her birthday, so he would be on his own tonight. Most teenagers would play video games, watch porn, and sneak a beer, which I would be okay with. He started crying and asked why he was "left out", then clung to my wife's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 184

Clomping hell

By Anonymous - 25/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 102

It's all downhill from here…

By Tree Hugger - 23/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I went skiing with a friend of mine. He went first. I heard a loud *THUD* and went to investigate. When I went past him, he yelled, "I ran into a tree. I don't feel so good!" He said it in such a defeated and humorous way, that I crashed into a tree myself because I couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 921

Stoner

By Anonymous - 26/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while still stoned from his dental surgery, my boyfriend told me I give the best blowjobs he’s ever had. My parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 202

High performance, high risk quipping

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a police officer pulled me over while I was riding my high performance motorbike. He asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over. It was too tempting to resist at the time, but in hindsight telling him ,“Because I let you?” was not the best idea I’ve ever had. Cops have no sense of humour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 845

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 00:00

Today, I sliced my finger open on a blender while removing a sticker that said, “Sharp blade, remove carefully”. I wouldn’t have gone near the blade if it weren’t for the stupid warning sticker that needed to be removed to use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 228

Over the rainbow bridge

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 09:00 - United States - White Plains

Today, I walked outside and found our kitten, my kids' favorite pet, convulsing and choking on the carport. Nothing we did helped and she died in my arms five minutes later. We've buried her, and I'm dreading going home and telling my boys that she's passed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 124

It's the thought that counts

By cakelady - 16/11/2025 12:00

Today, I spent two hours baking a chocolate cake for my coworker Cathy's birthday. I took it into the office, everyone gathered, and we sang. Her birthday is actually next week. The person whose birthday was today is named Kevin, and he’s allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 225

Love stains

By Chloeeee - 18/11/2025 22:00

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with rose petals on the bed. Romantic, right? Turns out, the roses I'd bought had been sprayed with some sort of red dye. The petals stained the sheets, my hands, and our white-furred cat, who now looks like a tiny crime scene victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 102

It's been a while

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Perkasie

Today, I finally had someone else touch my man parts. It was my doctor, checking for testicular cancer and a hernia, as part of my yearly physical. He's the only person other than myself to touch my junk in the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 233

No kidding

By Ted - 08/05/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 448

Custody battles

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 00:00

Today, my ex-wife has teamed up with my ex-girlfriend. Both are mentally ill. I have to have another custody fight and dispel lies because of their delusions. I just want to be left in peace. Instead, I have to have a death match for my 6 year-old daughter. Why does it have to be her or me? Why can’t it be both? FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 199

Moody git

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 22:00

Today, trying to be nice, I replaced my husband's old falling apart arm chair with a new one, same brand, same material, same colour, except this one also reclines, has a built in reading light and a USB port to charge his iPad. He prefers his old one and has been in a mood all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 369

Little shit

By Anonymous - 01/01/2023 00:00 - United States - Fpo

Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 409

More proofreading required

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I sent a text to my boss saying, "Looking forward to our meeting tomorrow." Autocorrect changed it to, "Looking forward to our mating tomorrow." My boss replied with, "I think you meant meeting. Let's keep it professional shall we." FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 171

Nutritious

By Anonymous - 19/07/2020 17:01

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 282

Room by room

By Anonymous - 09/12/2025 09:00

Today, we're a family of four moving houses. My husband wants me to copy each room and move it to the new house, paste it there. Literally. He doesn't understand why it's impossible with kids to have the bedroom at one house and bathroom at another. According to him, we can fully finish this move in four days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 103

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Sara Harms - 24/10/2021 14:00

Today, as the kind person that I am, I let my friend use the washroom before me while I watched our shopping cart. I then found out that the stores closes the washroom at 5 pm, and since I didn’t know, I ended up walking 25 minutes to a gas station in the rain to use one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 143

Cool your jets

By Can't be mad - 21/01/2023 12:00

Today, I was a little grumpy. I tried my best to not take it out on other people, but then I encountered that ONE person who doesn't realize that sometimes people are just in a bad mood, and they proceed to give you a hard time over nothing. That person was my mom. And then later my dad. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 357

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The Top

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 611

You deserved it 1 735

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 621

You deserved it 1 582

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 580

You deserved it 3 927

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 241

You deserved it 5 006

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 209

You deserved it 4 439

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 071

You deserved it 9 554