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No good deed and all that

By Jimmy - 14/06/2026 00:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I found a wallet on the sidewalk and spent an hour tracking down the owner. When I finally returned it, he opened it, counted the cash in front of me, and asked if I was sure there hadn't been more money in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 69

Love is in the air

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 02:00

Today, I work in a call centre for telecommunications and someone called in to ask about a payment on their account. I meant to ask them if they had checked their online banking statement, but instead I asked them if they had checked their online dating profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 378

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 17/06/2023 03:00

Today, more than fifteen years of marriage and sex at least once a week has given my otherwise lovely husband the stamina to last a minute and a half. We've cum together less than five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 294

Black Mirror

By Outandaway - 17/06/2023 10:00 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, a self check-in hotel charged me 50 bucks for an iPad charger I allegedly stole. On the security footage I can be seen removing a charger. It was my own charger that I'd plugged in because the iPad for the check-in didn't work and the charger was missing. I even contacted the helpline about it, which can be seen on the footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 102

Butter fingers

By ImNotVeryBright - 10/03/2022 02:01

Today, I was on my phone while it was charging. My hands fumbled a bit, and my phone slipped out of my fingers. Thinking quickly, I grabbed it by the charging cable to save it. The cable unplugged, and my phone now has a pretty crack on the screen from hitting the tile floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 372

Appetizer

By cacheson - 06/04/2022 16:00

Today, my cat woke me up by drooling all over my face. Whatever happened to “Cats rule, dogs drool”? FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 263

More than I'd like to know

By Anonymous - 26/06/2023 22:00

Today, I had to restrain my neighbour because he and his wife were so stoned that they were trying to have sex on my lawn. I got close enough to find out they have matching genital piercings, a ring through her clitoris and an identical ring in his penis. I need therapy, or alcohol, lots of alcohol FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 174

Check this out

By Anonymous - 15/04/2022 12:00

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 1 052

Fingered

By Anonymous - 03/07/2023 18:00 - Finland - Tampere

Today, I went to see a doctor because of some blood in my stool. Not only is the matter embarrassing enough as is, it turned out the doctor was a young, crisply dressed, extremely handsome man. I then had his finger in my ass for a check-up, all the while him being very nice about it. I'm still mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 233

Adopt, don't shop

By Dognapped - 20/03/2022 04:00

Today, I went to pick up my dog from a friend's place since she agreed to watch him while I went out of state for Spring Break. I arrived at her apartment. She’s gone and the apartment was vacated. She won’t answer her phone or texts, and vanished from all social media. I’m still making payments on the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 322

Hoping and praying

By whyME - 27/04/2022 10:00

Today, it's day 38 since I bought a new SUV, and the dealership is still working on fixing an issue with the sunroof. I just made my first payment on it and I never got to drive it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 167

Brainrot strikes again

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dyed my hair blue because I’m cosplaying as Jinx from Arcane. My parents made me practically homeless because they associate hair dye with "wokeness" and they’re not having that shit in their house. I'm now staying with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 241

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 02:01

Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 184

Cry for help

By Why me tho - 14/07/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, my coworker overheard our boss saying that she wanted to punch him in the face. After he tore into her about it and announced his immediate departure, they both started ranting to me, trying to make me take sides on the issue. I don't want to get fired, but I also don't want to make him mad. Help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 118

Emotional

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 06:00

Today, I've been seeing a therapist after more than 20 years of struggles. I think I saw him cry during our sessions a few times. I guess that my inability to live my life at the fullest was hard earned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 159

Sandwiches rule

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/02/2021 00:30

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 121

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 18:00

Today, I'm two months pregnant and can only seem to eat plain food consisting of mostly cheese. Now I’m constipated and haven’t pooped in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 220

Wine buffs

By ThatWineGuy - 23/12/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 979

Shit happens

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Apalachin

Today, my husband had a colonoscopy. Having spent yesterday hearing him complain about having only clear liquids and having to drink the required solution, he still was not cleaned out. We have to reschedule with two days of clear liquids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 114

Shut your pie hole, please

By An unemployed doorman - 14/02/2021 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to listen to my flatmate complaining that ladies don’t shag him anymore since his dad in Saudi Arabia cut him off. Apparently, they show a lot of interest until he reveals his financial situation. The dude actually thought he was God's gift to women instead of a mobile ATM. What a tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 20:00

Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 233

Let 'em in

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 16:00 - Sweden - Västerås

Today, it's been a little while since I found out that my parents are getting a divorce. They'd been married for 25 years and my father got bored and lost feelings. My mother is crying and howling on the bathroom floor right now. It has happened before, but since it was in our upstairs bathroom, I could open the door with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 147

I can't quit you

By Damngurl - 28/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Kula

Today, I scripted-planned and went to quit my job. Instead, I somehow ended up an emotional crying mess during the conversation with my manager - who recommended I get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 942

Dying inside

By Deedee - 13/01/2025 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, I confidently walked into a coffee shop, ordered a cappuccino, and went to sit down. On my way over to read my book at a table, I knocked over a stack of chairs by tripping on a rug. The worst part? I had to sit there, sipping my drink, and reading the same sentence over and over again, while everyone watched me slowly die inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 170

Gotta start somewhere

By Anonymous - 15/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Gary

Today, I went outside to start jogging for improving my ever declining fitness. A kind stranger yelled, “You’re doing great!” as I was wheezing after my first block. I was sitting on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 112

I loved that little guy!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 02:00

Today, I thought my coworker had confided to me that a close friend had died too soon, but it turns out she'd just ruined an expensive pan. We talked for 10 minutes and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 113

That's entertainment

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 10:00

Today, in the middle of an argument with my wife, our autistic son started calling out tennis scores, which turned out to be his way of keeping score of who was winning the argument. Apparently, by the end, it was 40-love approaching server's deuce point, which I think means I lost the argument badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 243

Wasps can **** right off

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 18:00

Today, a wasp flew straight up my nose and stung inside my nose and my upper lip about 8 times. I would very much like to be put in a medically-induced coma right now, but the emergency room nurse thinks I'm joking. I’m very much not joking, I want to be unconscious ASAP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 125

Let down

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a sweet guy who was 6”11 tall, a size 14 shoe, a 55 inch chest from all his gym muscles, hands like baseball gloves, and gorgeous green eyes… all attached to a 3 inch penis that I could barely feel, and that lasted barely 15 seconds. The foreplay was shit too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 557

No one (in HR) wants to work anymore

By Anonymous - 25/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I have applied to over 50 different jobs in the last month. I have NOT received a call or email back from any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 78

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 2 924

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 776

You deserved it 4 860

Today, I realized I've lived alone for so long, I now apologize to my phone for dropping it, or even over-charging it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 186

Today, the bus I needed to catch, that replaced the train I needed to catch, to get the flight home was full. I had to get a taxi instead. £140 to the nearest working train station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 104

Today, my cat locked herself in the bathroom and screamed until she was let out, for what seems like the millionth time this week. It took me a while to realize she's doing it on purpose for attention. She is loved and cared for; I've never neglected her. Apparently, it's still not enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 208

Today, my now ex-boyfriend posted a status, ranting about how social media ruins relationships and that you can’t have friends anymore without people “hatin’ and shit.” He conveniently left out the part where he and my best friend were sexting via Instagram DMs and got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 138