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Sorry seems to be the harshest word

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 17:00 - United States - Boone

Today, my girlfriend has yelled at me multiple times for saying sorry too much. It's involuntary, due to me constantly being told I never do anything right growing up by my parents. She knows this, and is even then one who helped me realize this, and still yells at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 177

Strung out

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 22:30 - Australia

Today, I realised just how caffeine dependent I am. I didn't have time for my morning coffee, work is out of milk, and I only have $1.30 in my bank account, so I couldn't buy a coffee. Today has been a struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 665

Good thing IQ isn't real

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 16:30 - Germany

Today, I was looking for flower seeds on the internet, wanting the same pretty flowers that my mom has. My mom, who lives next door, and whose pretty flowers grow seeds that I could just have picked and planted. It seems a high IQ does not prevent you from simply being stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 796

Sleep Toots

By FML Videos - 15/09/2018 23:59

Is this an episode of Your Mom's House?

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 86

Synchronize your watches

By Anonymous - 24/12/2025 20:00

Today, I texted my partner that I was “on my way.” I then sat on the couch doomscrolling for another 25 minutes. When I finally left, I ran into him in the parking lot, holding groceries, staring at me like I’d just lied for the fun of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 840

It's good to learn!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 20:01

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 227

Brain worms

By Whoops - 15/06/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, it's been several weeks, I went to the doctor for an ear infection and I still don't feel too good. It was then that I realized the doctor forgot to prescribe me medication for said infection. That explains a few things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 204

A mind of its own

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 05:02

Today, I realized I'm getting fat. When going for a drive, I plugged my phone in to listen to music. I put the phone in my lap to start driving and my gut changed the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 507

Invaded

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 205

Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 261

Survivalists celebrate Halloween too

By IHaveThePower - 01/11/2021 08:00

Today, in Nevada during Halloween night, I discovered my neighbors have something that sounds an awful lot like an explosive. I can't see anything on fire, but WHY do my neighbors have EXPLOSIVES? FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 200

Work sucks, I know

By Anonymous - 24/08/2020 20:02 - Australia - Lakes Entrance

Today, I returned to work after a week off due to severe food poisoning, after which I ended up in the ED. I was given a warning for causing an inconvenience to everyone, and next time I'm going to be sick, I should give 3 days notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 115

Oh no!

By fml - 19/02/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, the ethernet cable that I'd waited so long for arrived. I have been gaming on the stupidly unstable wifi for months and finally I thought my life would be saved. Then it turns out that the ethernet port isn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 240

Time to move on

By Anonymous - 22/02/2023 18:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 338

Nice victim blaming, dude

By Awkward - 26/11/2021 16:58 - Netherlands

Today, I had to tell my boyfriend his dad was sending me inappropriate texts that made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to make him stop, but he kept going until I felt like I needed to tell my boyfriend. Who's now broken up with me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 129

By [...] - 12/12/2013 14:28 - France - Vaulx-en-velin

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 048

You deserved it 8 267

Experimental cuisine

By Nicky - 16/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 111

By dormeur - 18/01/2013 11:39 - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 745

You deserved it 15 866

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 176

FAMILY

By Not today, Satan! - 30/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was given a new trainee at work. It was the conniving skank who screwed my brother-in-law and ruined my sister’s marriage. When I refused to train her, I was written up and sent home, while the homewrecking whore just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 262

Appropriate attire required

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was feeling good about it, until I realized that I'd forgotten my workout clothes and was wearing jeans. As I attempted to do squats in my tight jeans, I split them down the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 045

Big bastard boss

By noporn4u - 04/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 137

Agony aunt

By ShouldHaveLeftEarlier - 17/03/2023 12:00

Today, I didn't realise that after leaving my ex for someone else that I would need to be a therapist for all of his friends. He was such a garbage human being that he not only drove his friends away, but they all contacted me because I was the only one who "truly understood" how self-absorbed he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 155

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 206

Alas, poor Doggo

By suchatwat - 09/10/2020 05:02

Today, I accidentally hit my dad in the eye with our dead dog's squeaky toy. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 272

Don't dream it's over

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 04:00 - United States - Burleson

Today, I was cockblocked by a machine. I'm in the hospital so I'm attached to the typical machines that monitor vitals, including heart rate. I fell asleep and had a sex dream which made my heart rate go up, which set off the beeping from the machine monitoring my vitals. Bam, I woke up, sex dream over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 242

First of all… why?

By Brown Sandman - 25/12/2021 16:59

Today, I learned that there is no way to talk your way out of getting caught drunkenly wiping your ass on your best friend’s sister’s pillow, even if you yell, “SURPRISE!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 1 932

Spillage

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 06:00

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 156

Not now!

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 02:01

Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 390

For the life of him indeed

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 186

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The Top

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 082

You deserved it 12 985

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 2 923

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 830

You deserved it 18 252

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 639

You deserved it 60 604

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 519

You deserved it 1 454

Today, I finally had enough to buy my dream guitar, made in 1965. I buckled it into the passenger seat because it unfortunately didn't come with the original case. Once home, I tripped over my own feet before reaching my front door and scratched it on the concrete. It wasn't in mint condition when I bought it, but now it looks like it had a bad relic job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 155