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Bumped down

By clo_bo - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 272

You deserved it 312

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 05/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Park City

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 147

You deserved it 433

Don't overdo it, it's bad for you

By sara - 13/05/2021 07:59 - Canada

Today, I have wasted so much time reading comments on this page that FML comments have become my favorite bedtime stories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 330

Framed

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 04:00

Today, the police turned up. It turns out the girl I slept with two nights ago was burgled. She told my great aunt, who happens to live next door to her. They then told my grandparents, who then told my mum. I'm now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 183

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 549

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 394

By ThatGuy - 18/01/2018 19:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, during my annual performance evaluation, my boss responded to my career goal with, "Pfft! That ain't gonna happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 431

You deserved it 351

The unexpected

By RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 3 674

New balls

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 18:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 822

You deserved it 696

Stranded

By Mike - 29/06/2021 02:01

Today, in an effort to conserve gas by using as much of the gas in my tank before refilling it, I ran out just before I could get to the gas station. Nobody can come bring me any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 743

Asshat

By Vivi - 14/07/2021 18:01

Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because, "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 200

As it should

By What have I done? - 16/08/2025 12:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was so envious of my thin, pretty, genetically perfect sister getting a date that I lied to my mom, saying she was a prostitute. I made a fake escort page and used her pics. My mom lost her shit and kicked my sister out, but now the guilt is eating me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 1 600

You knew the risks…

By Kathie - 23/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I got dumped. This man was my soulmate. His parents don’t like me cause I was his side chick while he was married. I know it was wrong, but the heart wants what it wants. Apparently his parents can’t let bygones be bygones, so now I’m single again and heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 1 589

Out of the mouth of babes...

By DEE - 26/07/2018 15:00

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 795

You deserved it 485

Son of a snitch

By Anonymous - 25/04/2024 16:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, despite the fact that I'm happy and in love, my spiteful brat of a 12 year-old keeps spreading hateful and disgusting lies about my boyfriend doing unspeakable things while I'm away on business. Her dad told me he's reporting my boyfriend to the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 783

Polygraphs are BS

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 149

The void

By natasha - 01/07/2020 05:03

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 309

By Shep - 31/08/2018 13:00

Today, while sleeping as soundly as I could on a plastic mattress, the night shift nurse in the psych ward woke me up in the middle of the night so that I could take my sleeping pill, which was prescribed as "if needed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 202

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 31/08/2018 23:30 - Japan - Hirakata

Today, my dad forgot my Canadian permanent resident card. We could be stuck in an airport in Japan for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 616

You deserved it 343

By housemate from hell - 05/09/2018 03:30 - Australia

Today, I told my housemate I was moving out, giving 5 weeks notice. She decided she’d move out too and told the landlord, who gave us 2 weeks notice. I have to pack a house worth of stuff while working full time. She's a uni student who owns a bed and two bookshelves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 335

Dream on

By No more monkeys! - 28/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband’s dream has always been to have a big family. I however cannot physically or mentally handle having any more. He’s now threatening to hire a surrogate to continue pumping out babies for him. We already have 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 139

Wow, thanks, I'm cured!

By Anonymous - 25/07/2020 17:01

Today, my dad told me that I'm a weak and negative person because I suffer from depression and anxiety, then he told me to just snap out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 249

Spawned a monster

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 17:00

Today, I'm ashamed at ever having become a parent after I found out my daughter has been leading an online bullying campaign against a girl at her school who has disabilities, both mental and physical. Some of the language she was using in the online messages were just disgusting and unforgivable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 395

By screwedflyer - 03/10/2018 14:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I flew cross-country. Since the movers with my furniture and car won't arrive for 2 weeks, I packed several bags with most of my clothes and charging cords. The airline lost them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 223

You deserved it 205

On a leash

By thanks sis - 29/08/2020 19:52 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my best friend and I were supposed to meet up at an outdoor beer garden. We’ve both had a hard time with quarantine, so it was a great escape. Instead, she kept me waiting for nearly two hours before I finally left. Her excuse? Her boyfriend, who she sees every day, really wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 196

Go anyway, see the sights

By CrazedGunMan - 03/09/2020 02:01 - Panama - Panama

Today, I could finally get a plane ticket to go see the girl I have been talking to for the past 5 months. Just as I told her the exciting news, she told me that she was no longer interested in me. Guess that's 800 dollars down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 628

Moral panics are the worst

By sorryidontlookthatfeminine - 14/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Washington

Today, after going to the clinic for my hormone therapy, I decided to go to the mall. I went into the ladies' room to pee, and I heard a guy asking if there was anyone in there who shouldn't be. Yeah, someone called security on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 1 275

By Anonymous - 09/01/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 091

You deserved it 1 214

By Stinkbomber - 24/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 910

You deserved it 478

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The Top

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 867

You deserved it 6 939

Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded. It came from his car bumping up and down while we drove down a pot-holed road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 124

You deserved it 6 134

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 480

You deserved it 4 245

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 449

Today, it took all 3 of my kids threatening to use their saved money to move out and into a flat together to make me realise just how much of an asshole my boyfriend is, and that by any definition I’ve been in a mentally abusive relationship for years, and ignored everyone’s attempts to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 832

Today, after seven months of my supporting him, including paying all the bills, cleaning the house, and cooking, my unemployed "aspiring rapper" boyfriend finally got paid for his music. Did he buy me something nice? No, he called his boys to hit the club and pissed away everything he'd earned and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 307