The Top

Op here. Yeah, I tried to tell them the road needs regraded, but a) I'm female and b) I'm just a laborer so no one bothers to listen to me. There are several elderly people on that particular road who have nothing to do but complain about the holes so that's why they sent me out. It still doesn't make it right for the rednecks to fly up the road and fling all the stone out. If I hadn't been ducking flying rocks, I would've gotten his license plate number and called the cops for distruction of public property. He put several dents in the 5500 Ram I was driving too.

By JiggilyJoe - 26/12/2016 17:52 - United States - Wasilla

Today, while on a flight, another passenger pulled their carry-on out of the overhead. They forgot about the filled, metal water bottle clipped to the outside until it nailed me on top of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 272

You deserved it 463

JiggilyJoe tells us more.

JiggilyJoe 10

Sunday 1 January 2017 21:59

Hey all, OP here, never thought I'd get a FML posted, so I guess this is another one to cross off my bucket list. lol Yes, as stated you can take an empty bottle through security and then fill it on the other side. Thanks for the funny comments, those made it more bearable. The hit hurt and left a small bump but I have a hard head so it's nothing major, and it was more shocking than anything, I had no clue what happened at first, just sudden pain. The guy with the water bottle was really apologetic and I could see he genuinely felt bad, so no hard feelings. Hopefully the new year will be better for us all! Happy New Years everyone!

Caught in 1080p

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend came over. We'd planned on losing out virginities today. What we didn't plan on was having my 9-year-old brother and his friends making a video of "What teens do when no one is home." They taped the whole thing, including the five minutes it took us to get the condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 036

You deserved it 955

By Spencer Chan - 18/05/2017 14:00

Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 469

You deserved it 592

Breakout

By liisiuu - 13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 044

You deserved it 906

By Eve - 25/08/2017 13:00

Today, I learned that there's a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 343

By sorry dawg - 29/08/2019 20:00

Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 365

Et tu, Brute?

By FML - 10/09/2017 16:00

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 868

You deserved it 321

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 263

You deserved it 457

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

By Notadrugdealer - 07/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was just browsing Facebook when my friend sent me a GoFundMe link. Someone wrote a page saying I killed myself and that we need money for funeral services. People are actually donating to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 638

You deserved it 362

Loyalty card

By fuck you sis - 12/10/2019 16:00

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 180

Apparently not.

By Dez - 27/11/2017 05:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 225

You deserved it 431

Epic Boss Battle

By Anon - 04/01/2018 15:00

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 410

You deserved it 817

Shouldn't have worn a thong...

By Shouldn'taWornaThong - 10/02/2018 15:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 674

You deserved it 331

Fundies say the darndest things

By Anonymous - 08/03/2020 02:04 - United States - Houston

Today, I opened a lesson with the phrase, "As we all know, the world is over 4 billion years old." One of my students immediately snorted and said, in all seriousness, that I was wrong, and that the Earth is only 6000 years old. A few of his classmates agreed. I teach geology at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 257

What just happened?

By myrie - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date, he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand, and gave me his contact card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 353

You deserved it 3 846

What a charmer

By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 23:05

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 319

You deserved it 590

Poetry in politics

By blondie101 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 996

You deserved it 100 513

By Lolly - 12/09/2018 23:30

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 315

You deserved it 844

By Getthelysol - 10/10/2018 05:00

Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 343

You deserved it 1 546

Mature

By Anonymous - 04/11/2018 22:00

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 351

You deserved it 982

By Nutty - 16/11/2018 22:00

Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 828

You deserved it 554

Not funny, man

By ChristinaGee - 30/12/2021 20:00

Today, my husband says he wants to file for divorce because he’s tired of me being a “bossy boots.” Apparently, asking him to stop sending a 17 year-old girl dick pics as a “joke” is too much to ask. My tongue is going to fall out from the many times I've had to explain to him why it’s inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 415

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 070

You deserved it 7 544

Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 846

You deserved it 42 184

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 671

You deserved it 9 053

Today, I spent 5 hours working on emails for work in a desperate attempt to get back on top of my task list. Having written about 45 emails waiting in my outbox to go out first thing Monday morning, Outlook has "stopped responding". I might've just lost them all and worked through the day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 162

Today, I, a 29 year-old, healthy female who has never done anal, felt the urge to fart while working on my computer. However, it then felt like I was going to be poop, so did a mini sprint to my bathroom. Unfortunately, my anus let go and I shat myself. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 236

Today, after an argument with my husband, I was sat in the front room calming down when the stupid cat decided she was going to jump up onto me, spilling a full coffee cup over my husband's PS5. He's convinced I did it on purpose after the argument, when it really was all the damn cat's fault FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 193