The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Smell you later

By razzipost1 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I came home from work to my basement flooding. With sewage. That wasn't from our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 575

You deserved it 2 108

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 00:54 - United States

Today, I noticed my dog chewing on something while on the couch. It looked like a wash rag of some sort, so I grabbed it from my dog. It wasn't until after I picked it up that I noticed it wasn't a wash rag. It was a small, dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 800

You deserved it 3 131

AKA the Oskar Deutsch look

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 671

You deserved it 76 763

Casual

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say, "Ah, OK…" as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 041

You deserved it 2 118

By Muchacha22 - 20/06/2016 17:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 376

You deserved it 1 675

Overqualified

By Pissssd - 31/08/2009 01:56 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that… so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 952

You deserved it 4 092

By semi-depressed - 14/02/2009 17:35 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 4 031

Drunk tank

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 09:17 - New Zealand

Today, my husband and his best mate got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to try hitchhike naked for a joke. Although no one was willing to pick up two naked 28 year old-men off the side of the main road, someone did call the cops. They are being held overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 198

You deserved it 1 859

By sigh - 24/01/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 695

You deserved it 2 539

By mmromig - 08/02/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 523

You deserved it 5 597

By Reasondon - 13/12/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 4 411

By Discouraged despite my effort - 15/12/2016 18:27

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 266

You deserved it 832

By ClosetMishap - 10/11/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 729

You deserved it 4 769

By bastardddd - 11/04/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 6 406

By fatnick - 07/10/2009 17:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 108

You deserved it 3 315

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 797

You deserved it 2 569

By weirdlaugh - 10/05/2015 22:08 - United States

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 2 093

By Imagino1234 - 02/06/2016 16:32 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 335

You deserved it 947

Imagino1234 tells us more.

Imagino1234 12

Friday 3 June 2016 18:32

OP here. Most of the time, students like me have been able to get away with bringing food and drinks to class as long as 1) we don't make a huge mess. 2) we don't bring anything alcoholic (unless it's a final class celebration thing, but even then there's more food than wine). 3) we stay away from the computer labs. If we weren't allowed to bring food and drinks to class, there would be a lot of tired and cranky people who would wonder why there are so many coffee stands on campus if no one's allowed to bring something caffeinated to perk them up in morning classes. In case anyone's wondering, I was drinking raspberry flavoured Real Leaf iced tea; it's a popular brand on campus, so I even I'm confused why my prof didn't recognize it as iced tea.

Good boy

By Ugh - 16/02/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 485

You deserved it 7 081

By needagoodlaugh - 05/04/2015 20:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my car needs an oil change. I had to listen the warning alert beep for over 200 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 750

You deserved it 9 683

needagoodlaugh tells us more.

needagoodlaugh 34

Monday 6 April 2015 15:34

The car has a computer system that tells you the problem. It needed an oil change and it keeps beeping until you do it. Considering it just came on yesterday it was safe to drive home without getting it changed.

By Dipping Tired - 20/04/2016 23:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 769

You deserved it 7 215

By LevKin - 30/07/2009 07:20 - Canada

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He strongly believes in "first impressions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 362

You deserved it 6 759

Spoke too soon

By Oops - 06/02/2010 08:17 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with, "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 6 099

By outofajob - 01/01/2015 23:03 - United States - Farmington

Today, I gave feedback on how our store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 2 836

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 4 377

By Potty-Pot - 23/01/2017 10:00

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 157

You deserved it 662

By awesomekidsmum - 18/09/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 795

You deserved it 9 146

By Anonymous - 18/09/2015 21:14 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 532

You deserved it 1 996

Brief break

By daddyowl - 25/05/2012 04:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, after five months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight." She allowed me all of four minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 344

You deserved it 3 031

By ohwell - 01/09/2016 17:49 - United States - Arlington

Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 491

You deserved it 1 292

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 982

You deserved it 5 454

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 204

You deserved it 9 302

Today, I overheard mom talking about how my youngest sister was the only one who used the money from the insurance settlement from my dad's death responsibly. I was in my first semester of college when she cashed in mine for a vacation. I had to drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 683

You deserved it 2 507

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 64 239

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 841

Today, I set out to organize my media files over several old hard drives, but I got so engrossed in creating intricate folders and subfolders that I forgot what I was organizing in the first place. My computer is now a labyrinth of folders titled "Stuff," "Things," and "What is this even?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 560