Spicy

Sexy talk

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 604

You deserved it 1 556

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 107

You deserved it 2 901

By kpjc - 21/10/2016 00:29 - United States - Lawrence

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 663

You deserved it 935

Grandma gets around

By LittleLou - 16/10/2016 04:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 747

You deserved it 1 427

Caught in 4K

By NewRoommateNeededASAP - 13/10/2016 01:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found out that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 992

You deserved it 790

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 096

You deserved it 1 115

Hidden secret

By anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 324

You deserved it 2 157

By RjsBabe - 01/10/2016 06:14 - United States - Tulare

Spicy

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancé is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 032

You deserved it 1 222

By mavrick127 - 29/09/2016 14:21 - United States - Atlanta

Spicy

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 250

You deserved it 1 793

By DrawingWaves - 27/09/2016 22:36 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 584

You deserved it 1 598

By Yikes - 27/09/2016 04:34 - United States - Cumberland

Spicy

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 987

You deserved it 1 732

By spaceavery - 24/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Gresham

Spicy

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 304

You deserved it 1 592

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 949

You deserved it 1 253

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 636

You deserved it 4 852

Surprise, MFer!

By dude i am so sorry - 19/09/2016 19:54 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 391

You deserved it 4 251

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 456

You deserved it 1 135

Bad sex

By Undersexed - 14/09/2016 22:01 - United States - Washington

Spicy

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 039

You deserved it 2 477

Wandering

By kmyltd - 14/09/2016 06:18 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 912

You deserved it 3 635

Bovine

By harambae - 11/09/2016 17:10 - United States - La Grange

Spicy

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 253

You deserved it 3 202

By AloneAgainNaturally - 09/09/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Spicy

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 375

You deserved it 1 925

Be true to your team

By Thatgirl112 - 08/09/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 066

You deserved it 4 958

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 426

You deserved it 2 192

By BabsZilla - 05/09/2016 00:21 - United States - King City

Spicy

Today, my housemate and I had rough passionate sex in every room of the house. Being that I'm 18 and he's 32, it was a new thing for me. I just received a call from my mother stating that they would not be paying for the baby they watched us make through their wireless cams in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 408

You deserved it 5 306

BabsZilla tells us more.

BabsZilla 6

Tuesday 20 September 2016 8:38

OP Here. To answer some questions and lay down some facts. My housemate and I lived with my parents for a long time until I turned 18, then we had a house all lined up, and we moved out together about 15 minutes away. Not far, I am still in High School, and I wanted to remain close to my parents. I am of legal age here in Cali, and we are "careful" (Meaning we have safe sex with the pull-out method and birth control) My parents came into our house with the spare key I gave my mother for EMERGENCIES and planted 28 nanny-cams EVERYWHERE! We had to go through every piece of furniture and decor that we have to find them all. She called me literally 5 minutes after we finished having our "fun" to tell me she was watching me. I love my mum, but if this was to "protect" me, that's taking it too far. Thanks for commenting. Needless to say, we only have sex in the bedroom now...

By whoops - 02/09/2016 14:49 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 6 167

By guh - 31/08/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Spicy

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 794

You deserved it 4 294

Dreaming of me

By forever alone - 30/08/2016 13:55 - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando

Spicy

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 811

You deserved it 1 660

By anon... - 26/08/2016 04:10 - United States - Washington

Spicy

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him, so he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 496

You deserved it 1 073

Wankers

By Anonymous - 23/08/2016 08:38

Spicy

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 2 913

Why would you say that?

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 070

You deserved it 1 484

Facebook used to be cool

By Anonymous - 21/08/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Spicy

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 548

You deserved it 18 925

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 525

You deserved it 3 476

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 152

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 734

You deserved it 2 657

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 538

You deserved it 3 218

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 663

You deserved it 2 688

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 951