Intimacy, Creepy, Scary and Animals: WTF is this fresh hell?

WTF is this fresh hell?

By swag papi - 22/01/2016 05:47 - Australia - Perth

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang. I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

agreeclassic 22 036

vote type 1 8 377

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By megaladon - 28/06/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

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By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 05:00

Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML

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Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 22:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, being tired of all the shrubbery growing “downstairs”, I decided to give my lady bits a good waxing. So, naturally, I now have a tiny tear in my right labia and I'm scratching my itchy buttcrack with an old toothbrush. FML

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The passenger

By BurnItOff - 19/04/2024 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

agreeclassic 24 874

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By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

agreeclassic 10 524

vote type 1 28 657

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

agreeclassic 13 687

vote type 1 36 239

AndyPurdy 31

Friday 22 January 2016 14:27

...wtf... Go take a shower

PaulChristie 13

Friday 22 January 2016 14:27

That makes me feel genuinely sick.

Comments

buckdharma 37

Friday 22 January 2016 15:25

This is Kookaburra who sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he.

elcee1987 18

Friday 22 January 2016 22:56

Bravo!!

TheDragonsGuard 19

Friday 22 January 2016 15:37

I'm gonna guess it's been a while since you've been laid. Ew.

StarkWolf_fml 23

Friday 22 January 2016 15:38

sounds poetic

PhoenixChick 26

Friday 22 January 2016 15:39

It's like some sort of alarmist story about the dangers of touching yourself. "And when he went to touch his no-no place, a monster bit his hand!"

NickACD 27

Friday 22 January 2016 15:52

At first I thought "HOLY SHIT!" My next thought was "Oh, it's Australia."

Guzziii 12

Friday 22 January 2016 15:57

Wang

buckdharma 37

Friday 22 January 2016 16:00

This is an act of aggression. Get on the voice box and call in a tactical airstrike. Otherwise you may lose a private.

zyero 9

Friday 22 January 2016 16:17

Teeth 2.0

hardcorefan16 22

Friday 22 January 2016 16:23

You need a shower

101jumpergirl101 7

Friday 22 January 2016 16:27

Ummm what was it

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Top

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

agreeclassic 1 882

vote type 1 139

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

agreeclassic 47 435

vote type 1 6 001

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

agreeclassic 37 606

vote type 1 5 462

Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML

agreeclassic 608

vote type 1 1 206

Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML

agreeclassic 322

vote type 1 139

Today, it was my first day at a new job as a waitress for a wedding function centre. As I was opening the door to collect dirty plates from the guests, I bumped into a colleague carrying a tray full of full champagne glasses, all of which fell and smashed on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 3 463

vote type 1 430