Health: Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night,... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 14:27 - France - Paris

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

agreeclassic 18 715

vote type 1 13 793

The rhythm of the fight
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By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

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By creamed - 20/02/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

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Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

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By MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

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By Blondie - 05/05/2011 20:01 - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

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By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

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He started it, sorry

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

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By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

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You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

BananaCoconutty 26

Monday 27 July 2015 0:01

You should have "knocked" out the door

milehigh52 22

Monday 27 July 2015 0:03

You took that “I ran into a door" excuse a little too far.

Comments

tehdarkness 21

Monday 27 July 2015 0:17

I feel lucky that in the days of my shenanigans, there wasn't always someone there to record. Back then if you couldn't remember it, it didn't happen.

ohSNAPyall 26

Monday 27 July 2015 0:33

What a knob.

chaseafterwind82 29

Monday 27 July 2015 0:36

After fighting the door did you then break down sobbing, and tearfully apologise to it?

hasooon 24

Monday 27 July 2015 0:43

Youtube link, or it didn't happen.

EcoAirWarrior 7

Monday 27 July 2015 0:46

It's amusing how individuals repeatedly regretfully recall misdemeanours or humiliating acts committed while intoxicated by alcohol yet go on to again consume excessive amounts of alcohol and humiliate themselves again.Its very amusing at least for those who dont dridrink alcohol like yours truly

worldclassrager 39

Monday 27 July 2015 1:07

Door 1 OP 0

BiGTiMeNeRD 29

Monday 27 July 2015 1:16

You're such a door-k.

DerekDayOne 12

Monday 27 July 2015 1:36

Video?

savagetitan 13

Monday 27 July 2015 1:41

The door slammed you shut.

ohSNAPyall 26

Monday 27 July 2015 2:05

Sounds like the door busted him wide open.

LazyLion 12

Monday 27 July 2015 2:48

Rematch?

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Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

agreeclassic 40 968

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Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story about my dad’s senior prank, his mom said that during her senior year, some asshole spray painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

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Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

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Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

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Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

agreeclassic 46 809

vote type 1 11 412

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year-old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she'd said "buried." FML

agreeclassic 31 285

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