Love: Today, my boyfriend met my mom. He was curious as to how my mom... - FML

By mermaidkeels - 10/10/2016 13:44 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my boyfriend met my mom. He was curious as to how my mom had a better ass than mine when she was twice my age. FML

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vote type 1 1 122

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mermaidkeels 26

Tuesday 11 October 2016 17:59

So this actually happened a few years ago. Last week a couple of friends and I were talking about funny/awkward relationships and I remembered this story. Decided to submit it but didn't think it would get published. By the way, no-we are no longer together but that is for unrelated reasons.

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Tripartita 44

Tuesday 11 October 2016 15:19

And then he met your brother and asked how he had a better ass than you despite being male. You began to question his sexua—but wait, in came the dog… and your BF was curious as to how he had a better ass than you despite being canine. Then you got the **** outta there.

Soninuva 41

Tuesday 11 October 2016 23:30

By any chance is your name Stacey?

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bushkeus 6

Sunday 16 October 2016 14:14

Was he nervous?

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Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

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Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

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vote type 1 4 431

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

agreeclassic 31 430

vote type 1 3 983

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

agreeclassic 359

vote type 1 1 304

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

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Today, my mom is in the hospital and I'm sitting by the phone in case anyone calls with news. Each time the phone rings, I bolt upright to answer it. So far I've been woken up by two telemarketers, three robo-calls, and some old lady asking for Doris, who doesn't live here. I can't turn my phone off. FML

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vote type 1 96