Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been...

By sweetjulie - 11/07/2019 18:00

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

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Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

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By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

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By madela - 28/10/2020 07:56

Today, my daughter admitted that she sometimes forgets her own name upon waking. She’s 15. FML

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By llozano715 - 13/09/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

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By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 year-old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

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By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

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By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

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bluhbluhbluh 14

Thursday 11 July 2019 21:29

That is honestly quite delightful

Kyle Reagan 11

Thursday 11 July 2019 23:00

Is her real name Mercedes?

Comments

bluhbluhbluh 14

Thursday 11 July 2019 21:29

That is honestly quite delightful

Kyle Reagan 11

Thursday 11 July 2019 23:00

Is her real name Mercedes?

mssileas 25

Friday 12 July 2019 8:21

That sounds like the opposite of an FML moment. Try again when she's 15 :)

Kristoffer 35

Saturday 13 July 2019 5:11

Your kid is funny and you should be proud.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, as I was leaving church with a cake in my hands (mind you it was pouring, and I was in heels) I decided to walk on the road instead of the sidewalk so I could get to my car as quick as possible. Turns out, the road is slippery, and slipping means falling. With the cake. FML

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Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

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Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML

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Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

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Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

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