Love: Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights,... - FML

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

agreeclassic 36 659

vote type 1 3 027

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By Pissed - 28/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML

agreeclassic 812

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By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked through the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

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Memories

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML

agreeclassic 55 210

vote type 1 4 626

Never try this at home

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

agreeclassic 1 060

vote type 1 142

By :(( - 25/04/2012 18:46 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

agreeclassic 29 964

vote type 1 2 403

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

agreeclassic 11 227

vote type 1 76 158

By ThatAintLogical - 18/12/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

agreeclassic 36 224

vote type 1 2 549

Leave me alone

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

agreeclassic 32 759

vote type 1 2 829

By Ava_Darkflame - 01/01/2017 15:54 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML

agreeclassic 2 550

vote type 1 172

He's let himself go

By whatwasithinking - 14/10/2020 17:01

Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML

agreeclassic 1 336

vote type 1 153

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TOP COMMENTS

luis72091 0

Friday 17 June 2011 15:53

you're married to a criminal lol

cgchamp89 7

Friday 17 June 2011 15:56

Used to? Maybe your husband is like the Craiglist killer and you just don't know it

Comments

sourgirl101 28

Friday 17 June 2011 16:30

And did they question your husband or was he out on a crime spree?

cgchamp89 7

Friday 17 June 2011 16:32

He had one foot out the window by the time she opened the door... not sure she had the chance lol

SexyQueen0905 24

Friday 17 June 2011 16:37

Yeah, or the Mad Butcher of Kingsbury Run returning!

Valdez_14 8

Friday 17 June 2011 16:42

My guess, your neighbors hate your husband and want him out!!! Sucks to be you!!

kipdjordy 0

Friday 17 June 2011 16:46

yea hes a criminal

Fayelyn 0

Friday 17 June 2011 16:48

I'm sorry your husband is a criminal.

jasminea 0

Friday 17 June 2011 16:50

hahaha, time to move(:

YourMomxD 8

Friday 17 June 2011 20:39

To Mexico!

jasminea 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 0:35

they're even worse there... try again(:

alex6946 10

Friday 17 June 2011 17:17

good morning! ;D

eirini2602 0

Friday 17 June 2011 17:21

woopsyyy

swimmer150733 6

Friday 17 June 2011 17:46

Lmfao damn that ****** sucks

The_Darth_Wabbit 3

Friday 17 June 2011 17:49

"i'm sorry officers, he is a bad boy, just not the type you're thinking."

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

agreeclassic 31 798

vote type 1 3 879

Today, my plan to punish my husband by leaving him for a week completely failed. When I got home from the hotel, he had his buddies over happily watching football, but his face fell when I walked in, like I’d ruined his day by coming home. I don’t think my marriage can be saved at this point. FML

agreeclassic 494

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Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML

agreeclassic 837

vote type 1 115

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

agreeclassic 28 490

vote type 1 6 116

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

agreeclassic 30 370

vote type 1 2 916

Today, a woman messaged me on a dating app to tell me that I was ugly, and that I shouldn't be allowed on the site. FML

agreeclassic 6 289

vote type 1 465