Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language,... - FML

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

agreeclassic 12 611

vote type 1 56 804

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By alisaav - 08/08/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

agreeclassic 38 276

vote type 1 13 662

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

agreeclassic 20 591

vote type 1 45 376

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

agreeclassic 24 445

vote type 1 3 062

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 16:47 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

agreeclassic 18 263

vote type 1 5 510

Classic move

By Anonymous - 25/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

agreeclassic 141

vote type 1 534

By justmyluck? - 18/02/2011 03:02

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

agreeclassic 32 105

vote type 1 7 793

By ashhatches - 27/06/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

agreeclassic 13 429

vote type 1 62 582

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

agreeclassic 444

vote type 1 163

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

agreeclassic 1 885

vote type 1 418

By Nick - 11/02/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

agreeclassic 28 507

vote type 1 5 588

Next

TOP COMMENTS

Blue33_fml 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:06

YDI for trying too hard

nautical 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:04

Smoooooooooooth

Comments

NoMercy_fml 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:31

Only way to recover from that is to show him your boobs. Oh and YDI

carrot89 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:37

YDI for trying way too hard.

Snackbars 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:01

#47 and #13, Bahaha! You guys are hilarious. But yeah, you deserved it. Now you'll forever be known as "The Slutty Fork Girl".

lionahh 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:13

smoooth :P

Leaveittosteven 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:17

"Man what a strange girl huhu" - guy

Shandiland 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:47

Wow I'm going to try that next time. Sounds brilliant. P.S. Very dumb move

illeyad 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 0:03

YDI for being tacky.

CASoulNYCmind 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 0:15

Good...job....

randomness28 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 0:52

WTF is wrong with you? Movies are fake for a reason

didi666_fml 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 2:05

rukusrazor your an idiot.... I see where your coming from with the fork move...to bad you failed and also that only works with desert..

3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

agreeclassic 37 657

vote type 1 24 800

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

agreeclassic 12 611

vote type 1 56 804

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

agreeclassic 10 249

vote type 1 28 492

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

agreeclassic 28 215

vote type 1 2 833

Today, despite the fact that I’ve been battling cancer for the past year and was hospitalized for Covid, all my family can talk about is how much weight I’ve gained. Yeah, not like being out of work, quarantined and on a ton of meds has anything to do with it. Thanks guys. FML

agreeclassic 1 404

vote type 1 113

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

agreeclassic 26 027

vote type 1 2 328