Intimacy: Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching...

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

agreeclassic 54 277

vote type 1 18 038

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Easily scared

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 17:59 - France

Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML

agreeclassic 1 312

vote type 1 175

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

agreeclassic 4 140

vote type 1 2 880

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

agreeclassic 14 041

vote type 1 2 647

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

agreeclassic 28 640

vote type 1 3 249

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 3 861

vote type 1 301

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

agreeclassic 32 245

vote type 1 3 299

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 52 989

vote type 1 4 787

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

agreeclassic 52 441

vote type 1 4 379

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 28 598

vote type 1 2 143

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

agreeclassic 41 335

vote type 1 16 759

GwennaRose 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:28

Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:29

Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*

Comments

ComoEsJuan 24

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:32

Because it's a cockroach, duh!

Faddyy6 17

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:32

this would have ****** your mood rather than ******* your boy freind

imbedderdenu 23

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:32

ew!

olpally 32

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:33

That's the worst thing ever to happen during masturbating. Kill it with fire!

mFUNdo21 17

Friday 11 October 2013 7:55

she wasn't masturbating. she was "molesting" herself

ndomer 6

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:33

Your boyfriend's wasn't the only kind of **** that wanted in on the action

micha090 21

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

Are you into beasteality OP :-P

frizz101 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:40

No, is bugstiallity.

flockz 19

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:56

nope, cocktilality.

TheOrangeProon 13

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:00

Can we all agree to stop here?

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:03

At least it's not insectual.

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:06

Was it safe sex? You know those exoskeletons don't work 100%.

yukumariooo 11

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

Can I throw up now?

False_Stupidity 41

Thursday 10 October 2013 23:06

Yes, you have my permission to throw up.

whitetiger13131 26

Friday 11 October 2013 5:13

mine as well, if that helps

Ksweety_fml 27

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

That's why it's call cockroach, because it loves ****.!

j_cat187 19

Friday 11 October 2013 1:42

So I'm guessing you skipped anatomy?

anitriarose 5

Friday 11 October 2013 5:02

and Language Arts?

j_cat187 19

Friday 11 October 2013 5:48

Ain't nobody got time for that shit. I'll stick with the maths.

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:34

Oh good lord...time to can an exterminator...

snugglesMcGee199 23

Friday 11 October 2013 1:39

I don't think that's going to help with a bug infestation.

prinncess00 16

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:36

I would have screamed and scrubbed every crevice until bleeding.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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agreeclassic 5 631

vote type 1 385

Today, I am 9,958 miles away from home, it's 3 pm, and I have to find a store that sells electrical tape because my cats damaged my computer's charging cord back home. I just saw the copper inside the wire and I'm lucky the damn thing didn't catch fire. FML

agreeclassic 297

vote type 1 127

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

agreeclassic 23 057

vote type 1 15 264

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

agreeclassic 451

vote type 1 3 232

Today, my wife is still not pregnant, but her sister is after the threesome we all had a few months ago. The threesome was my wife's idea, but I suspect I am still a dead man when it comes to whose fault it is. FML

agreeclassic 2 695

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Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

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