Work: Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened...

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

agreeclassic 38 624

vote type 1 4 365

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By Jehovah God - 07/03/2014 18:51 - United States - Richmond

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

agreeclassic 45 400

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He started it, sorry

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML

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By webperson04 - 27/07/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

agreeclassic 68 443

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By keerta_fml - 04/05/2017 02:00

Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML

agreeclassic 4 817

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By Anonymous - 09/11/2010 11:13 - India

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

agreeclassic 31 950

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Am I being detained?

By JimmyT - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

agreeclassic 43 044

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By Laura - 20/03/2012 22:27 - United Kingdom - Girvan

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

agreeclassic 33 855

vote type 1 3 701

By Chris Chandler - 02/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

agreeclassic 2 422

vote type 1 535

Rough night, huh?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML

agreeclassic 562

vote type 1 189

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

agreeclassic 51 318

vote type 1 3 862

sansteth94 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:39

tell him to PISS off...your leg lol

mfmylifesrsly 29

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:53

What the world doesn't need is your lack of spelling and grammar.

Comments

airborn54 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 4:53

drunks ftw!

freddyisepic 2

Wednesday 20 April 2011 5:41

lol

hhaile12988 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:34

uhh.. why were you drawling blood from a drunk??

ThickHead 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:23

wtf you can't use blood with achol in it! bad person ydi

james3458 3

Thursday 21 April 2011 5:47

oh s&$@ it's a vampire! he's right behind you he's gonna eat you!!!

MileyCyrusIsHot 5

Thursday 21 April 2011 6:05

where was this?

mrd10 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 22:15

did he have a nice....

imAskierCO 0

Friday 22 April 2011 16:11

and your hot^^^^

imAskierCO 0

Friday 22 April 2011 16:12

so hot

margie2194 12

Friday 22 April 2011 21:58

why are you drawing blood from a drunk?

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Today, I was dancing in a club when some manager told me to stop messing around and get back on stage or I’m not getting paid. I think he thought I worked for him. I was in jeans and a glittery vest, all the dancers were in booty shorts and bikini tops. What the hell, my guy? FML

agreeclassic 307

vote type 1 74

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

agreeclassic 37 010

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Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

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Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

agreeclassic 35 281

vote type 1 3 185

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

agreeclassic 1 431

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Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML

agreeclassic 1 084

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Similar FMLs

He started it, sorry

Am I being detained?

Rough night, huh?

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