Animals: Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly...

By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

agreeclassic 23 523

vote type 1 32 177

The rhythm of the fight
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By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

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By scarred4life - 27/04/2011 14:05 - Canada

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

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By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

agreeclassic 16 278

vote type 1 62 352

Maths

By lorena_v - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

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By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

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Best teeth in the game

By Nochnoii - 07/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

agreeclassic 31 680

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By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

agreeclassic 56 173

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Happy meal

By ollierocks96 - 17/12/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

agreeclassic 36 572

vote type 1 3 027

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

agreeclassic 19 269

vote type 1 32 028

By Annie - 24/08/2015 08:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

agreeclassic 21 791

vote type 1 9 276

leaper66 12

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:19

Hope it didn't taste too bad...

BeepBeepSwerve 9

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:19

a little mid afternoon snack!

Comments

mylifebitches666 18

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:42

You're not you when you're hungry. Grab a snickers.

HairIsEverything 15

Wednesday 22 October 2014 7:43

Or some spider guts.

RusticChick 27

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:44

Extra protein!

sweetest_jenn 18

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:46

If pure evil had a flavor, I'm sure that's what your eraser top tasted like...

Just_A_Tree 20

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:52

Spiders are skilled opponents. Did you really expect to kill it so easily with impunity?

Ashd09 30

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:00

It's just extra protein!

Recoveryben 15

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:20

Why you didn't clean it off is the real question...

alex_gen 39

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:40

Um...repost, much?

carleyboo2018 20

Wednesday 22 October 2014 2:44

I've seen this FML before...

oatmeal96 10

Wednesday 22 October 2014 3:23

Protein

hk1998 8

Wednesday 22 October 2014 3:23

Delicious

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

agreeclassic 4 229

vote type 1 359

Today, I got a haircut that makes me look like a Lego minifigure. FML

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Today, I went in to work to check my new schedule for the week. I searched up and down and didn't see my name listed. After talking to my manager, he decided it would be easier to "release" me than remake a new schedule. FML

agreeclassic 27 024

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Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

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Today, I realised why I’m so irritable these days. My former flatmate smoked so many cigarettes that, now he’s moved out and taken the smoke with him, I’m going through nicotine withdrawal. I realised this after I saw cigarettes in a shop and couldn’t stop staring at them. FML

agreeclassic 2 038

vote type 1 212

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

agreeclassic 15 944

vote type 1 29 439

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