Animals: Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for...

By Anonyme - 10/06/2011 23:07 - France

Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

agreeclassic 32 245

vote type 1 3 931

The rhythm of the fight
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By Anonymous - 12/05/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

agreeclassic 7 507

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Nasty

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

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By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

agreeclassic 20 299

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By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

agreeclassic 10 625

vote type 1 36 094

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

agreeclassic 23 180

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By thewrittenrebel - 28/10/2014 07:40 - South Africa - Bellville

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

agreeclassic 36 381

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

agreeclassic 10 366

vote type 1 1 149

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

agreeclassic 955

vote type 1 317

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

agreeclassic 3 686

vote type 1 535

Tough guy, huh?

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

agreeclassic 8 345

vote type 1 44 335

ifailplzinsultme 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

Tell them that you were playing angry birds and one of them left the screen and attacked you

kitty_f 3

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

why not ?! just admit it

Comments

iSurf_fml 8

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:56

I like your enthusiasm.

bigbadtim 7

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:59

Bird, bird, bird. Bird is the word.

N3v43h 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:00

Fantastic! Hats off to you sir!

djlolo1129 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:01

that has gotta hurt

zombiesnipes 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:10

say you got into a fight with a shark

ifonejeff 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:14

just admit it rofl

angryoriental 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:19

tell em your significant other did it... that'll get em going

Lehk 9

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:21

rough sex

Cairo_Sanchez 8

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:23

that's hilarious! embrace it, that's a good story to tell

lovepinkandzombi 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:36

that sounds awesome! dont be insecure girl. OWN those stitches WORK THEM SCARS.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

agreeclassic 35 301

vote type 1 6 570

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

agreeclassic 46 292

vote type 1 8 370

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

agreeclassic 13 597

vote type 1 2 147

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

agreeclassic 23 866

vote type 1 13 715

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

agreeclassic 31 015

vote type 1 6 143

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

agreeclassic 44 613

vote type 1 3 330

Similar FMLs

Nasty

I don't know my strength

Tough guy, huh?

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