Intimacy: Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation"...

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

agreeclassic 35 014

vote type 1 8 347

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By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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By fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

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By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

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By fuckel4 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

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By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

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By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

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Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

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By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

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By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

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PiErC3 0

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

u should kick ur best friends ass

KMtheDrummer 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

How do you not notice that in 2 months?

Comments

ealison 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 18:50

U don't read ur resume before printing?

janerose21 3

Thursday 29 March 2012 3:09

oh man that sucks, maybe it shows that u like to exercise and keep fit ..... error yerrr ur screwed FUL

lolz0701 4

Sunday 6 May 2012 6:56

YDI for not reading your resume before you hand it in.

urbanimpression 6

Saturday 27 October 2012 13:20

That's your fault. You should be reading it before you send it to any new place.

Murkyy 15

Wednesday 13 August 2014 2:04

I wonder how he managed to... pull it off.

Harley Osborne 8

Sunday 12 August 2018 1:12

Me and a few friends did that to someone as well, though we added "aggressive" before that...

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I found out that my husband hasn't wanted sex because he's been fucking the feminine gay guy he works with. I could divorce him, but I like not getting constantly bothered for sex, and I don't want to deal with the stress of divorce. FML

agreeclassic 81

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Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

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Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

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Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

agreeclassic 32 223

vote type 1 4 168

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

agreeclassic 68 827

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Today, I'm closing on a house with my boyfriend of 9 years at the end of this week. We have plans to be engaged. When discussing what rooms would be what, he mentioned how one could be a nursery. I told him 9 years ago, and several other times, that I didn't want kids. Turns out he's been waiting for me to change my mind. FML

agreeclassic 1 976

vote type 1 447

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Same thing

Just a prank, bro

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