Love: Self report

Self report

By SmoothTalker - 16/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied, "Oh, I usually come early." She laughed. FML

agreeclassic 58 336

vote type 1 33 953

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By babbling idiot - 14/08/2015 09:35 - Canada

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

agreeclassic 24 492

vote type 1 9 690

Mean Girls

By 1nfected - 26/08/2009 17:07 - Canada

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

agreeclassic 49 437

vote type 1 3 641

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 27/06/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML

agreeclassic 44 834

vote type 1 19 238

By fatty - 14/08/2014 03:46 - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

agreeclassic 38 380

vote type 1 15 888

Hopeless

By Dumbdumb - 15/02/2010 14:29 - United States

Today, at work, a really hot guy came up to me and asked, "What are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4, but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said, "I meant your store hours." He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

agreeclassic 15 731

vote type 1 33 263

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 29 486

vote type 1 12 235

Wrong target

By footinmouth - 21/01/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was hitting on a girl who was getting ready to walk into the same class as me. We were waiting outside the room, so I told her that I'd heard the professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down at a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

agreeclassic 11 923

vote type 1 38 885

Thanks Susan

By Noname - 24/02/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman who sits at the desk beside me looks over and says, "Wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

agreeclassic 43 314

vote type 1 4 936

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

agreeclassic 25 812

vote type 1 3 431

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML

agreeclassic 6 198

vote type 1 629

vonstrangle 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:15

"Today someone had a sense of humor and I didn't. FML"

vietiscool 2

Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:05

it's ok. funny joke.

Comments

jayfx 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 8:28

ahahaha this made me laugh even though its not a FML

shalvius 3

Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:00

i don't get it :S

dishwasha 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:55

#23 won this discussion.

kismaa 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 11:14

you made her laugh and will be memorable. whats so bad about that?

holynemesis1208 3

Tuesday 17 March 2009 15:06

no extra credit i guess. haha.

bitchplease69_fml 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 15:46

you could do her. Is she hot?!

NeverBAckDown_fml 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 17:04

LOL good joke XD

f__kY_urLif__ 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:04

she wants your d for sure

SimpleIdiot 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:07

not an FML

route95 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:44

Meh, not very humiliating. Just a chuckle-inducing moment. heh

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Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

agreeclassic 28 374

vote type 1 2 575

Today it's my twin brother's and my birthday, and like every year people wish him a happy birthday instead of me. FML

agreeclassic 917

vote type 1 114

Today, my wife pretended she was going to suck my knob, but then bit it so hard she drew blood. Apparently, she saw the texts from my “girlfriend”. The texts were actually from our elderly neighbour, who asked me to feed her cat while she visited her daughter. She thought “feed my cat” meant "illicit sex." FML

agreeclassic 1 042

vote type 1 117

Today, I wanted to show a photo of my cat to my colleague, but my phone fell out of my hand and scrolled to the next photo, a photo of me without a bra. Now he thinks that this is how I tried to let him know that I want a quickie. FML

agreeclassic 203

vote type 1 450

Today, my mom screamed at me for being startled by her, calling my reaction “unnecessary and extremely rude.” When I tried to explain to her for the millionth time that I startle easily, and it’s involuntary, she told me to “make it voluntary, or else.” I fear what is to come. FML

agreeclassic 949

vote type 1 154

Today, I was told I looked “too timid.” I was feeling extremely confident having aced a test, but I didn’t look like it. I’ve practiced carrying myself more confidently for hours every single day in front of a mirror, to no avail. I guess body language just isn’t my thing. FML

agreeclassic 809

vote type 1 155