Miscellaneous, Drugs and Parents: Role model

Role model

By Ryan - 11/07/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I met my dad for first time in 22 years. He smoked a joint with me, showed me his plants, and gave me a bag of mushrooms. Every time I try and believe I'm not trash, the universe tells me different. FML

agreeclassic 420

vote type 1 203

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Similar FMLs

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

agreeclassic 4 395

vote type 1 318

Stellar parenting

By joi9496 - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

agreeclassic 5 726

vote type 1 482

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

agreeclassic 31 753

vote type 1 3 989

By Anonymous - 22/04/2015 13:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 33 834

vote type 1 6 074

Sneaky dad

By say no to dick - 18/04/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

agreeclassic 33 761

vote type 1 43 614

Final destination

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad's cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time in my entire adult life that he has visited me at my home. FML

agreeclassic 39 536

vote type 1 2 831

By hypercrite dad - 19/09/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

agreeclassic 40 172

vote type 1 15 553

Nice meeting you…

By brigitte - 27/06/2013 17:35 - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

agreeclassic 47 337

vote type 1 3 117

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

agreeclassic 89 239

vote type 1 8 846

At last!

By thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

agreeclassic 55 244

vote type 1 2 812

poopface82 23

Friday 12 July 2024 0:08

Using weed doesn’t make you trash. Nor do shrooms.

JackWood 20

Friday 12 July 2024 2:39

Dad sounds kinda cool, maybe you should share a peace pipe?

Comments

poopface82 23

Friday 12 July 2024 0:08

Using weed doesn’t make you trash. Nor do shrooms.

JackWood 20

Friday 12 July 2024 2:39

Dad sounds kinda cool, maybe you should share a peace pipe?

idragosani 15

Friday 12 July 2024 16:08

You dad sounds cool

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 13 July 2024 22:19

You're not trash - your father is.

MistressAfrodite 5

Sunday 14 July 2024 21:26

you’re not trash.

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Keywords

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Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

agreeclassic 267 596

vote type 1 90 937

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

agreeclassic 38 409

vote type 1 7 545

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

agreeclassic 36 898

vote type 1 4 855

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

agreeclassic 6 908

vote type 1 630

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

agreeclassic 30 319

vote type 1 1 840

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

agreeclassic 27 227

vote type 1 3 294