Health, Covid and Coronavirus: Preemptive strike

Preemptive strike

By Alex Kiwi - 02/04/2020 20:00

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

agreeclassic 1 512

vote type 1 376

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Don't blame me

By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML

agreeclassic 1 809

vote type 1 165

By blue15564 - 26/09/2016 21:52 - United States - Davenport

Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML

agreeclassic 11 409

vote type 1 1 157

By hypercrite dad - 19/09/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

agreeclassic 40 172

vote type 1 15 553

The war on drugs

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

agreeclassic 454

vote type 1 1 229

By ironyisabitch - 02/06/2012 05:43 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

agreeclassic 42 355

vote type 1 3 093

Ongoing crisis

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 06:00

Today, I found out my dad got Covid after spending the weekend at home. All my classes have me doing final projects, and my dorm's internet is a dumpster fire. FML

agreeclassic 820

vote type 1 138

Smoke signals?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 02:00

Today, my dad grounded me. Again. First it was my phone, now my watch. How the hell am I supposed to communicate now? FML

agreeclassic 193

vote type 1 1 189

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 20:01

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

agreeclassic 3 135

vote type 1 256

J'accuse...!

By hockeymango57 - 24/09/2017 23:15

Today, one of my friends blew a giant vape cloud and the principal saw and called us into his office. We blamed each other, so the principal checked both of our backpacks. Apparently, my friend snuck his pen into my bag somehow. I don't even vape. FML

agreeclassic 4 071

vote type 1 639

Get 'em while they're young

By Smoked. - 20/06/2021 12:59 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I got a citation from school. My 10-year-old son was caught smoking cigarettes during recess. FML

agreeclassic 925

vote type 1 224

jbuckets_404 38

Friday 3 April 2020 3:40

Make him do chores 8 hrs a day. Rinse and repeat....

demix_fml 32

Friday 3 April 2020 21:01

Change the WiFi password?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 3 April 2020 0:19

Make him go out and find toilet paper.

themetropolitan 19

Friday 3 April 2020 3:22

Can't ground your son when mankind is already grounded...

jbuckets_404 38

Friday 3 April 2020 3:40

Make him do chores 8 hrs a day. Rinse and repeat....

demix_fml 32

Friday 3 April 2020 21:01

Change the WiFi password?

ojoRojo 27

Thursday 9 April 2020 16:28

You can still make his life miserable by restricting his access to WiFi and cable.

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Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

agreeclassic 44 448

vote type 1 9 212

Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML

agreeclassic 698

vote type 1 149

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

agreeclassic 466

vote type 1 43

Today, I realized how absolutely shitty my family is when my brother brought home his third girlfriend this week. They all smiled in her face, knowing full well my brother is a cheating asshole. Not to mention, she’s pregnant with his kid. I wasn’t allowed to date til I moved out. FML

agreeclassic 1 315

vote type 1 138

Today, unfortunately, my friend is a victim of domestic violence and I want to be there for her. The dilemma is that I was abused for 7 months by one of her buddies and she's basically making it out as if it didn't happen. Basically downplaying my trauma all because it's her "homie." Double standards or what? FML

agreeclassic 453

vote type 1 111

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

agreeclassic 528

vote type 1 65

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