Sex, Parents, Dad jokes and Contraception: Go forth and NOT multiply

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

agreeclassic 1 392

vote type 1 345

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By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

agreeclassic 62 589

vote type 1 10 552

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

agreeclassic 52 072

vote type 1 3 755

Don't worry dad

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 18:00

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

agreeclassic 3 275

vote type 1 517

The truth

By unfortunate - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

agreeclassic 50 476

vote type 1 3 245

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

agreeclassic 28 316

vote type 1 2 598

Pipe down

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 00:01

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

agreeclassic 1 778

vote type 1 282

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 20:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 50 422

vote type 1 33 890

By Username - 28/03/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

agreeclassic 50 347

vote type 1 5 472

Surpriiiiiiise…

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 1 025

vote type 1 796

Fair point

By beenawhile - 20/09/2019 04:03 - United States - Boston

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

agreeclassic 1 628

vote type 1 227

WistayShlaio82 13

Friday 6 March 2020 13:04

Sounds like a gen x version of a dad joke

jbuckets_404 38

Friday 6 March 2020 18:11

Not feeling the love are ya, OP? :-(

Comments

WistayShlaio82 13

Friday 6 March 2020 13:04

Sounds like a gen x version of a dad joke

RichardPencil 30

Friday 6 March 2020 16:05

He probably realized his mistake and was hoping you'd end your family's detriment to the gene pool.

jbuckets_404 38

Friday 6 March 2020 18:11

Not feeling the love are ya, OP? :-(

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vote type 1 59 634