Health, Spiders and Phobias: Everyone does

Everyone does

By Anonymous - 31/07/2022 02:00

Today, I thought a spider had fallen on me, so I wounded up accidentally punching myself. Twice. I hate nose bleeds. FML

agreeclassic 338

vote type 1 696

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

The passenger

By BurnItOff - 19/04/2024 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML

agreeclassic 482

vote type 1 95

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

agreeclassic 24 299

vote type 1 14 273

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

agreeclassic 21 235

vote type 1 41 640

By jellybean - 06/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

agreeclassic 28 816

vote type 1 11 013

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

agreeclassic 388

vote type 1 199

By Moron with reflexes - 29/05/2019 06:03

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

agreeclassic 1 229

vote type 1 993

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

agreeclassic 33 126

vote type 1 5 969

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

agreeclassic 26 949

vote type 1 12 986

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

agreeclassic 22 672

vote type 1 8 347

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

agreeclassic 19 268

vote type 1 32 027

cuz803 44

Sunday 31 July 2022 2:31

Take some boxing classes and put that punching power to real good use

SamanthaThe1st 22

Sunday 31 July 2022 5:10

You idiot, why would you punch yourself? Did you forget that slaps were an option?

Comments

cuz803 44

Sunday 31 July 2022 2:31

Take some boxing classes and put that punching power to real good use

SamanthaThe1st 22

Sunday 31 July 2022 5:10

You idiot, why would you punch yourself? Did you forget that slaps were an option?

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 31 July 2022 14:40

Quit hitting yourself. Quit hitting yourself.

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

agreeclassic 2 048

vote type 1 415

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

agreeclassic 11 427

vote type 1 54 470

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

agreeclassic 14 610

vote type 1 989

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

agreeclassic 44 445

vote type 1 6 112

Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML

agreeclassic 488

vote type 1 92

Today, a violent attack of diarrhea send me running to the bathroom moments after I put my dinner in the oven. I made it out just in time to enjoy a lovely bowl of coal. FML

agreeclassic 11 188

vote type 1 1 114