Intimacy, Health and Wanker: Boner killer

Boner killer

By Anonymous - 01/06/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Meliskerke

Today, I woke up without back pain for the first time in a few weeks, so I thought it was a good day for a morning wank. When I was almost there, I felt a sharp pain shoot down my lower back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 174

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Same thing different taste

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 04:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 134

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such chronic back pain that I can usually never get comfortable, but I found the perfect position to lie in bed, and was nearly 100% pain free. I felt so good. Someone knocked on the door, so I had to answer it. They'd got the wrong house number. I couldn’t find that perfect position again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 123

Not this again

By Anonymous - 20/07/2024 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I woke up with my back super sore. I couldn’t get out of my bed without crying and great difficulty. The last time my chronic pain was like this it went on for three months and I could barely move. It was absolutely awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 74

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 08:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 218

Twang

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 14:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 083

You deserved it 40 537

911 is a joke

By ouch - 25/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 18/03/2019 18:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 265

By IHaveTwoOwies - 06/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 083

You deserved it 409

Mysterious

By Anonymous - 29/03/2023 22:00

Today, I woke up with severe back pain and about $100 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 159

By oktober2nd - 13/10/2018 15:30 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 329

You deserved it 151

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The Top

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 757

You deserved it 1 429

Today, I had to pull chunks of digested blanket out of my dog's ass because she refuses to listen to me when I tell her not to eat the damn blanket. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 808

You deserved it 3 588

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 19 430

Today, my water pipes froze and burst and I now have to take snow from my back yard and boil it down into water in order to flush my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 311

You deserved it 3 962

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 910

You deserved it 5 114

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 274