Your everyday life stories

Why_The_Fuq - 15/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Athens

Today, we had a fire drill in 5th period. The only problem? Our teacher told us they were just testing the alarms as it hadn't been scheduled. We sat there for 5 minutes while the rest of the school evacuated. Glad it wasn't a fire. FML

get out - 15/04/2016 20:02 - United States - New Britain

Today, my mom informed me that I would have to be moving out by next week. I would have no problem with it, except for the fact that I'm 16 years old. FML

wwgrd - 15/04/2016 19:58 - Sweden - L?ddek?pinge

Today, as I rushed out of the laundry room I accidentaly locked my electronic chip for the door and my wallet inside. Since it's after business hours I'd have to pay 300$ for an emergency locksmith. I really hope someone booked the next laundry time, which is 7 AM on a saturday. FML

Jmdezy - 15/04/2016 19:31 - Switzerland - Lugano

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The carrier we use is a tad bit small. While in the waiting room an old lady walked up to us and said "You need to give that big pussy some air." I laughed so hard and was slapped by her for being rude. Everyone in the waiting room saw. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:31 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my girlfriend told me I should commit more to our relationship. Initiating a date or sex with her is like finding a sober clown for a party, but I'll try my best. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today I went to gamestop to sell my ps3. After plugging it in to test it and going about the transaction, I was about to leave when the worker goes you forgot your DVD and held it up in a crowded store...it was my porn FML

really? - 15/04/2016 19:26 - United States - New Britain

Today, my now ex-boyfriend pushed my heavily pregnant sister down the stairs. Why? He wanted to get revenge on her for eating the last package of Oreos.

FroZenPsycho - 15/04/2016 18:47 - United States - Sammamish

Today, I asked my mom if she had any batteries, she pointed at her nightstand, I looked inside for batteries, but all I saw was a bottle of lube and 12 vibrators.

Grahamll - 15/04/2016 18:46 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, my brother dropped my new phone off of the table. Luckily I have ninja fast reflexes and stuck my foot out to catch it. Unluckily, my phone still bounced onto the floor and I now have a broken screen and two broken toes. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 18:42 - United States

Today I was wearing boxers that had hamburger print on them. At some point in the day unbeknownst to me I ripped the ass out of my jeans, exposing my burgers for everyone to see. I had no idea till I got home from work. FML.

Karl - 15/04/2016 18:33

Today, at her request, I gave my heavily pregnant wife a hip and back massage. I kissed her and told her she that she was the best wife ever. In response, she poked my belly and told me I looked like Homer Simpson. FML

TMO2142 - 15/04/2016 18:31 - United States - Toledo

Today, i was taking my drivers training test. while driving some idiot hit the side of the car.. im being blamed for not watching out for it. i have to pay for the repairs. FML

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 18:30 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, my brother pissed on the floor in our bedroom and told my mum that I did it. Then, I heard my mum tell my grandmother. I hate my family. FML

Simple Guy - 15/04/2016 18:23 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, after lunch I was alone in the elevator back to my floor. Being alone I started ripping the loudest most obnoxious farts you have ever heard. Of course I started laughing after every one. Finally I heard a voice on the speaker request me to refrain from polluting the elevator. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 18:16 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went over to a friend's house (male) with a female we were both interested in. My male friend left to get a drink, so the female and I decided to play a joke on him by hiding under blankets and making sex noises. His roommate walked in before he could return and now he won't talk to me. FML

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 18:16 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I heard the nurse talking, to my wife, about how my leg had gangrene and how they were probably gonna have to amputate it. FML

Prxncxssa - 15/04/2016 18:15 - United States - Rosemead

Today, I was under the impression that I was going to the beach with my friends. It was only until I was three hours late for school because I was packing for the beach when I get a text saying the car doesnt fit all of us and I was voted out... Here I come Saturday School! FML

anon - 15/04/2016 18:13 - United States - Newark

Today, I was in Spanish class. We have to speak in all Spanish if we want something. I asked to borrow a pen because mine was dead. Instead of saying "my pen is dead can I have a new one," I said "my pen is F----d can I new one". FML

ImaSuckerV2 - 15/04/2016 18:09 - United States - Nashville

Today, I received the dreaded don't come to school today text from the kid everyone calls the school shooter scared I called the cops when questioned turns out he was sick and was being a good friend and didn't want me getting sick. he refuses to talk to me FML.

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 18:09 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I returned to the hospital. I couldn't get out of bed but had to piss. I filled the little piss-pot thing but had to piss again. I dumped the full piss-pot thing into a big plastic tub nearby. Eventually, the tub filled up with piss and then the nurse arrived. She was furious at me. FML

Ghostrder886 - 15/04/2016 18:08 - United States - Hampton

Today, I told the woman I've been talking to for a while that I love her, her response was " I think I'm going to be sick ". FML.

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:56 - United States - Frisco

Today, I finally had to accept that I have feelings for a very cute and funny guy. It wouldn't be so bad if he weren't my brother. FML

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No spit or swallow - 15/04/2016 17:54 - Canada - Collingwood

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob and pulled off just before he came. The splooge landed on his cat, who was walking by the bed. She licked it off her fur before we could get a wet cloth to clean her. FML

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 17:54 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I returned home from the hospital and noticed gangrene crawling up my busted leg. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:49 - United States

Today, I am going through the last four months of night audits correcting the mistakes of the other two workers. I've only managed to get 8 days in. FML.

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 17:49 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I was in surgery getting plates screwed onto my shattered pelvis. The anesthesia started wearing off half-way through the operation and I came to. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:45 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, it's my best friend's birthday party, and the first time I get to see my new boyfriend after having to spend four weeks apart. I'm also sick with the flu and have my period. FML

Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:44 - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was a hooker who had sex with Santa Claus in order to get the leftover toys from Christmas. FML

ER1C - 15/04/2016 17:39 - Canada

Today, As I was walking to school when I dropped my bag. All my books and my report I worked all night on that was due today fell on the wet road. I was about to pick it up when the school bus passed over it. FML

PJimmyB - 15/04/2016 17:38 - Thailand - Lampang

Today, I had a dream that I was in the hospital with some severe injuries. I tried to free myself, so I could walk home, but couldn't, so I pissed the bed. Then I woke up. I was in the hospital and very wet. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

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Today, I found out that my husband proposed to his girlfriend, and that her mom had posted it on Facebook. FML

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Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

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Today, I had breakfast with my roommate and he was so loud, my ears felt ready to burst. If I even suggest he needs his hearing checked, he erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Everyone agrees, he has no "inside voice" and they don't know how to handle his near-shouting to your face either. FML

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Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

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Today, a pharmacist slut-shamed me for taking birth control. I'm still a virgin, and I only take those pills to help with my acne and period cramps. FML

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