Miscellaneous

TMI, Dad!

By eww - 03/11/2015 15:43 - United States - Pickens

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 786

You deserved it 2 196

By likecomeon - 03/11/2015 03:55 - United States - Glendale

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 970

You deserved it 1 751

By racello13 - 02/11/2015 15:26 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 481

You deserved it 1 821

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 083

You deserved it 2 191

By 2pale - 01/11/2015 18:22 - United States - Humble

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 500

You deserved it 2 360

By Anonymous - 01/11/2015 15:12

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 333

You deserved it 1 334

By guessthatsatrickthen - 31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 1 977

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 00:47 - United States - Pensacola

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 841

You deserved it 2 867

By Lydlsis - 30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 763

You deserved it 4 631

By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 910

You deserved it 2 653

By GonnaLockUpMySpices - 30/10/2015 01:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 958

You deserved it 1 837

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 756

You deserved it 2 832

By alex327 - 29/10/2015 03:32 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 467

You deserved it 2 055

By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 3 853

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 089

You deserved it 1 745

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 643

You deserved it 3 144

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 752

You deserved it 3 625

By fjsinedniend - 28/10/2015 01:52 - United States - Missoula

Today, I was having a conversation with a new friend when she remembered she needed to grab something from her car. I don't know where she parked, but it's been two and a half hours and she's still gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 593

You deserved it 2 267

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 804

You deserved it 2 221

By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 260

You deserved it 2 357

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 690

You deserved it 10 344

By Leyla - 27/10/2015 01:23 - United States - Franklin

Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 1 899

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 389

You deserved it 2 582

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 640

You deserved it 2 074

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 961

You deserved it 1 598

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 185

You deserved it 7 293

By animorpher - 24/10/2015 01:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I spent 10 of our last $20 on pizza. Upon arriving home, I stepped out of the car and slipped on some mud, losing my balance and dropping the open box right into the mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 116

You deserved it 6 177

animorpher tells us more.

animorpher 13

Thursday 29 October 2015 20:18

Okay, okay. Let me clear up a couple things. lol. First, me and my husband were sneaking toppings, and I couldn't get the box shut again. I didn't think it would be a big deal, I had enough confidence in myself to make it from the car to the house without a mishap (foolishly.) Second, that was the last of just our spending money for the next couple days. I didn't go broke on pizza :) and lastly, the pizza did get replaced. we returned with the sad mess that was supposed to be dinner, we all wept a little, said a prayer for the pizzas that don't make it home, and they gave me a fresh new one :)