Delivery

Pizza mystery

By Pick out the picks - 24/09/2022 22:30 - United States

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 136

Porch pirates are scum

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 02:00

Today, UPS dropped off my Playstation VR2. They were supposed to get a signature but they just dropped it off and left it. By the time I got the notification that it had been delivered, it had already been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 107

Knock yourself out

By Anonymous - 10/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, my package with two brand new toys got delivered to the wrong apartment. Somewhere in this apartment complex, a stranger is either judging me or having the best day of their life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 104

Get it out!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 08:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I paid movers $125 to move a couch into my house that's much too large for the space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 1 069

Please Mr Postman

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 03:00 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I'm expecting an important delivery that I need so I don’t lose my job. My neighbors decided that today was a great day to have a team of landscapers come to cut down some trees. I'm in a tight cul de sac and they're blocking my driveway. Guess who’s gonna lose his job today? FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 157

Thanks UPSDHLFML

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 04:59

Today, my friend received a package I sent her by mail. The package was already ripped open on arrival, two out of the three blouses I sent her were missing and a limited edition glass cup I sent her with the apparel was smashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 82

Messy situation

By Steven Haga - 23/04/2021 11:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I ordered some food and included a slice of cheesecake. However, I think they glued the Tupperware lid together and I didn't actually want to launch the cheesecake into the air when I finally got it open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 136

Hi there!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2025 22:00

Today, as I was getting out of the shower, I heard my roommate shout, “Your food delivery’s here!” I panicked, wrapped myself in a towel and ran to grab it before the driver left. The towel slipped halfway down the hall. I froze mid-motion when I realized that the delivery driver was still standing at the door, making direct eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 348

Thanks for the memories

By How - 02/10/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 125

Where's my shit?

By Taurus_ChicKa - 15/12/2021 17:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a package has been sitting at the post office for two weeks, with a status update of "Arriving Late." I've finally been told the package is most likely lost in a sorting bin, and won't arrive before Christmas. It was a custom-made, commissioned Christmas gift, that took two months to even complete, and can't be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 100

Christmas gifts

By not a thief - 24/12/2021 01:59

Today, while I was home sick from work, my neighbor got packages delivered. Our apartments have had a lot of thefts lately so, being neighborly, I brought her stuff inside to wait. When she came home, I gave them right to her. Instead of thanking me, she told the office that I was the thief all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 148

Get on with it

By Luk - 30/06/2025 22:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my wife gave me hell for not returning an Amazon package to Whole Foods on my day off. The closest Whole Foods is twenty minutes away, right by my work. Why should I waste an hour of my day off when I can do it after work tomorrow? FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 100

Dashed

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 00:01

Today, my Doordash driver texted me to let me know my son had picked up the food I'd ordered. I don't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 74

The nerve!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 20:01

Today, a couple of packages were stolen from our apartment doorstep shortly after being delivered. A little while later, the thief brought the torn packaging back and left them at the bottom of our stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 88

Gimme my stuff

By siciliano12594 - 12/11/2012 18:40 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 166

You deserved it 1 960

Sarcastic order

By believekimber - 09/07/2022 12:00

Today, I have found the Holy Grail of fast food ordering. You will never be disappointed: when they say, “May I take your order?” Say, “Yes surprise me, and please charge me for something that will never make it to the bag.” Your order will always be perfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 301

Home delivery

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 08:01

Today, I received two letters: an eviction notice and a Dear John. Neither went through the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 94

News to me

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 14:01

Today, I checked my mom's email to track a package I'm waiting to receive. Instead, I found out my mom canceled the order, and that my parents are getting a divorce and have been fighting via email for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 193

Introverts! Hide!

By ??? - 17/01/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was home alone when the doorbell rang. I panicked and hid under the table because I wasn’t expecting anyone and I have minor social anxiety. It was just Amazon dropping off a package. I made eye contact with the delivery guy through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 493

Gotta get that delivery dopamine rush

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 05:00

Today, I've been waiting two months for eight eBay purchases to make it through my country's fucked up customs fiasco. I'm reduced to vicariously sharing in my husband's delivery of a litre of industrial vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 142

Taste from hell

By I’m so sorry - 17/12/2022 00:00

Today, I ordered lunch from DoorDash. I was surprised by how good the dish was, and went back on to rate the dish, and sent it. Without realizing, my phone autocorrected my review to “it looks the way hell tastes”. I don’t even know what I tried to say. I hope they don’t spit in my food next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 751

Door dashed

By vibexeno - 31/01/2022 04:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, I opened my front door to see that someone else's McDonald's was delivered to me overnight, but the food was all moldy. The one time I get free food… FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 177

Always look on the bright side of life?

By Jan - 24/08/2023 04:00 - Australia

Today, I received a package and excitedly tore it open. It was a specific dress I'd rush-ordered for an upcoming special event, but the company had sent me a size meant for a toddler. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 113

Never again

By Phillip - 20/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I ordered a pizza with extra cheese and no tomatoes. The pizza delivery guy handed me the box, and as I opened it, I discovered that they had delivered me a pizza… with only tomatoes and no cheese. I called the pizza place to complain, but they just said, “Well, tomatoes are technically fruit, so it’s healthy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 113

Butter fingers

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 415

Currency

By PizzaBwaaay - 03/05/2022 22:00

Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 511

Shipping is extra

By Lili - 18/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, a package marked "FRAGILE" arrived after weeks of waiting. The box looked perfect. Inside, the item was shattered. The only thing that survived the trip was the instruction manual explaining how carefully the product had been tested for durability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 50

Can't get enough of 'em

By Anonymous - 10/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I ordered groceries online for pickup. Got home, unpacked everything, and only then noticed I had somehow ordered 12 cucumbers instead of 2. The receipt just said, “Quantity: 12” like that was a normal life choice. I'm gonna be having cucumbers with every meal for at least a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 309

Not enough RAM

By Chris - 04/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I got a notification that my package had been delivered. I searched my porch, checked with my neighbors, and even contacted customer support. It was sitting in my car's trunk because I'd picked it up from a parcel locker yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 422

Tangled web

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I received my Amazon order of a mini massage gun, which I’d been really excited about. I tried it out, but it got tangled in my hair so badly that I had to cut it out. Now I have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 275

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Food Work Miscellaneous Parents Delivery Awkward Weddings Friends Love Weird Intimacy Shopping Clothes Mysterious Laundry Transportation Embarrassing Job interview Annoying Health Dentist Dogs Mental health Cats Neighbours Animals Gross Poopoo peepee Family

The Top

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 785

You deserved it 13 290

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 526

You deserved it 40 620

Random

Today, I found out that my favorite band logo is no longer being used by said band because of copyright issues. I have this logo tattooed on my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 57 550

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 181

You deserved it 34 766

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 508

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 999

Today, I’m at home, sick with a really bad sinus and ear infection. If I'd gone to the clinic earlier, then it wouldn’t have spread to my ears, but my boss wouldn’t let me take a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 149

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 130