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First off, you guys have genuinely made me laugh, even the less than kind comments have been hilarious. To clarify: the tube of icing in question was snagged from a discount bin because the decorating tip was broken, and an improvised opening with a knife was required. I didn't gouge a hole in it because I was spelling something out and I didn't feel like getting icing everywhere. In regards to my weight, I'm honestly not that athletic, I am a bit on the plush side, and yes, I do need to work out more (I go on daily walks around the neighborhood with my dog as a start). Baby steps, right?

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 17:51 - United States - State College

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 936

You deserved it 4 105

By Anonymous - 29/10/2015 20:53 - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 469

You deserved it 1 655

By Sean - 27/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 167

You deserved it 8 085

TMI

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 23:52 - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 3 035

By thanks gramps - 19/04/2013 07:27 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 831

You deserved it 9 901

Creepypasta

By QuinnyZebrass - 02/04/2013 04:11 - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 911

You deserved it 3 429

First time?

By ajdown - 17/06/2011 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 940

You deserved it 2 526

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 18:10

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 706

You deserved it 7 358

Smells like victory

By Gagging - 15/06/2015 11:57 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 481

You deserved it 2 791

By nityasomaiya - 16/05/2015 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 544

You deserved it 15 016

nityasomaiya tells us more.

nityasomaiya 46

Sunday 17 May 2015 6:50

It was just my Aunt and the Midwife in the room at the time. I think my Aunt laughing helped her push my cousin out the last little bit. The Midwife was awesome.