Random FMLs

Jumping the gun

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 146

**** that guy (not literally)

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 20:30

Today, my date saw me naked, and was disgusted that 1. I shaved my pubes into a landing strip instead of completely bald, and 2. I missed a few hairs below my knee while shaving my legs. His actual words as he was half out the door were that he "wanted Princess Leia, not Chewbacca." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 288

Lonely

By reddd - 10/05/2012 06:44 - United States

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 019

You deserved it 11 438

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 316

You deserved it 6 325

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 18:00

Today, I'm two months pregnant and can only seem to eat plain food consisting of mostly cheese. Now I’m constipated and haven’t pooped in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 219

By ItchItchBaby - 09/09/2017 13:00

Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 128

You deserved it 480

Go mom!

By disgusted - 04/10/2012 23:24 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said, "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 3 322

DIY

By Jezza - 02/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried fixing the squeak in my bedroom door. Instead, I made it dramatically louder. That night, when I sneaked to the kitchen for a snack, the door shrieked like a horror movie prop. My family thought someone broke in. It was just me craving chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 325

By FML - 24/12/2011 01:32 - Sweden

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 822

You deserved it 5 070

By naughtymommy0317 - 20/06/2013 08:47 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 147

You deserved it 5 931

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 188

You deserved it 185 702

Spotted

By PlagueFace - 17/07/2020 17:01

Today, my dentist kept staring at me with a worried expression while working on me. Concerned that something was wrong with my teeth, I asked her what was the matter. She replied, "I'm not a dermatologist, but you should go to a doctor, I think you have staph." She was referring to my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 166

Greasy greasy spot spot

By Whoops - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 207

You deserved it 47 416

Perv'

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 14:00

Today, someone tried to rob my boss's store and I had a knife held to my neck. That’s not the FML. The FML is that, for some reason, it excited me and I got a boner. The thief told me I was all kinds of messed up and left without stealing anything. My god, I’m some kind of freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 242

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 16:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 875

You deserved it 6 296

The hangover, part 46

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 04:00

Today, it’s my birthday. I woke up with a raging hangover and my house being completely trashed from the party I didn’t really want, and can barely even remember, since I got so drunk from the nerves of having to host it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 007

By anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:56 - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 503

You deserved it 2 912

By CrazyBitch - 04/04/2013 08:20 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 259

You deserved it 3 504

Horrible little things

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 02:01 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 82

By Sick - 24/02/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 697

You deserved it 6 182

Keeping up appearances

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 16:00

Today, my parents screamed at me for being diagnosed as depressed, because I’m not allowed to be depressed, because me being depressed makes them look like bad parents who couldn’t raise a happy, normal child, so I have to be happy or I’ll be punished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 153

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 09/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's friend's dad, demanding I pick him up immediately. When I arrived, he marched me into the house and pointed at an Xbox controller lodged in the wall, informing me I'd be receiving the bill for drywall repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 213

Late stage something something

By Ben - 16/04/2024 00:00 - United States - Lakewood

Today, after spending at least two hours on the phone every day for the past week, my health insurer I pay a huge monthly premium to agreed to cover my life-sustaining insulin. But they won't contribute to the cost until after I've paid an unaffordable deductible first. I'm going to die even though I'm insured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 97

Oh dear, oh no

By Voters remorse - 01/02/2026 03:00

Today, after working to elect a Democratic governor who campaigned on "affordability" instead of a MAGA nut job, she's immediately signed off on dozens of new taxes and removed mandatory minimum sentencing requirements for violent crimes. This isn't what I voted for! FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 559

By Anonymous - 17/11/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 749

You deserved it 6 100

By historyfreak_17 - 17/06/2012 07:11 - United States - Dearborn Heights

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 825

You deserved it 4 715

By willkftw - 14/04/2019 16:00

Today, despite putting all the food in the fridge, taking all the rubbish outside, cleaning the house top to bottom and setting up bait, we're still dealing with a bloody huge ant problem. I've now got a rash all over from being bitten while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 159

By BikerGuy - 24/02/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 880

You deserved it 2 207

By lyssamarie316 - 01/10/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 733

You deserved it 4 763

I could be your girlfriend

By Anonymous - 08/01/2026 12:00

Today, I hate that my best friend has a boyfriend, who doesn't even treat her right by the way. I could treat her way better, she's all I've ever dreamed of. Too bad she's straight. Too bad I'm straight. I might be in love with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 466

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 046

You deserved it 4 335

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 569

You deserved it 16 030

Today, when I got to a family reunion, I realized I've been on the internet for so long that I've forgotten how to have an actual conversation with real people. Now I'm the "Weird Uncle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 814

Today, I walked past my fly strip while a fly who had been caught, but hadn't yet died, was on it. While I was there, I could hear his frantic buzzing and see his little arms flailing like mad as he tried in vain to escape. Great. Now I feel like shit for putting these things up. What kind of a monster am I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 390

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 323

You deserved it 1 926

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 329