Random FMLs

Mom?

By Anonymous - 20/07/2025 14:00 - United States - Eastpointe

Today, I texted a friend who I met some years ago. I had been asking her for months when she wanted to get together. Each time she said how she was basically too busy. Today was different, she said she was glad for the friendship but her daughter is busier now with new things, and doesn't want to get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 129

By why.mom - 21/08/2019 00:01

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 219

You deserved it 174

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 293

You deserved it 1 663

Caveman fetish

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 21:58

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 1 144

Caught red-handed

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 545

This explains that

By 1gullible_bugger - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 223

You deserved it 201

The candidate

By anonymous - 05/09/2012 13:51 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, I had to give a speech as part of my campaign for school captain. I was rather happy with it and so I told another candidate my speech. Apparently it was a good idea as minutes later that same candidate stole my entire speech, leaving me looking like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 947

You deserved it 37 830

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 13:00 - United States - Marshfield

Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 186

Smells like victory

By Tcake - 19/05/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 256

You deserved it 7 864

Red flag

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 05:01

Today, my husband rolls his eyes at me 90% of the time when I ask for a kiss. I think divorce is not too far off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 150

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 926

You deserved it 4 883

TW: Gross

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 00:09 - Denmark

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 450

You deserved it 2 838

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 27/11/2023 10:00

Today, after I moved in with my best friend a year ago, living with her and her boyfriend for over 3 months, I couldn’t handle them fighting so I moved out 9 months later. She cheated on her boyfriend with a coworker and is now moving in with me, so, "We can live like wild teenagers." We’re both 30 and I’m not single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 217

By ugly - 25/07/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 509

You deserved it 3 774

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 06:49 - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 457

You deserved it 3 248

By purplepixie23 - 22/09/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 278

You deserved it 240

By anonymous - 08/06/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 018

You deserved it 8 738

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 15:31 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 111

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 12:12 - United States

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 462

You deserved it 2 140

9 to 5, what a way to not make a living

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 18:01 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I excitedly went to check this week's paycheck, only to see that I only received $9.00. This isn't a mistake, this is really what I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 172

No good deed…

By cantwin - 02/10/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend returned from a two day trip. I'd spent the time cleaning the house and working on house projects, so she wouldn't come home and be stressed. She got upset when she got home because the house was clean, and it made her feel inadequate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 98

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 067

You deserved it 4 509

Lonely times

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 15:00 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I realized why my depression is so bad. No matter how hard I try, I have always been a replaceable presence in everyone's lives, and I have never felt like anyone couldn't live without me. Not even family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 139

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 868

You deserved it 13 795

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 2 326

By Anonymous - 11/04/2017 08:00 - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 950

You deserved it 610

Supreme Betrayal

By chocobo - 11/07/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered that my family routinely waits until after my bedtime to order a pepperoni pizza, my favorite food. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm 17 and still have a strictly enforced bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 527

You deserved it 554

Masterchef

By Anna - 25/07/2020 05:10

Today, my partner, our 5-month-old baby and I had to go to A&E because my idiot boyfriend mistook dishwasher Rinse Aid for cooking oil, and cooked a meal for us in it. As I'm breastfeeding, even our baby needed blood tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 458

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, it's my birthday. My boss's birthday is 5 days away. Instead of wishing me happy birthday, the staff decided to surprise my boss with an early gift. We also had to take a picture of him with everyone. I work at another branch alone, and had to post the picture to social media. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 112

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 556

You deserved it 1 375

Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 3 097

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 208

You deserved it 407

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 110

You deserved it 2 724

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 450

Today, like many other days before, my allergies decided, "screw you, you're dealing with me year round, no allergy medicine will keep me away, and you're going to break out in sneezing fits at the worst possible moments, which includes while you're driving on the highway." Shocking that I haven't been in a wreck yet, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 119