The Top

First off, this is my FML. Second, I was on a road that just so happened to not have a posted speed limit. So I just assumed the speed limit to be 45, unfortunatly according to the law here on a unposted road the limit is 35. No I didn't pass.

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 566

You deserved it 5 220

Stranger danger

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:35 - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 587

You deserved it 2 823

By Chouse - 07/09/2012 01:56 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 831

You deserved it 2 702

By anonymous - 05/09/2012 16:25 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 696

You deserved it 2 581

Welcome!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 539

You deserved it 38 399

By areyouserious - 17/11/2014 03:46 - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 004

You deserved it 2 502

By Anonymous - 25/01/2017 16:00

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 365

You deserved it 237

By fml - 10/08/2013 10:48 - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 661

You deserved it 12 277

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 5 208

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 00:01

Today, my wife and I have been trying for kids for years and nothing, yet my deadbeat brother just ran out on his third pregnant girlfriend in a row, with no intention of meeting the baby ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 151

TikTok strikes again

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 14:01

Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 2 024

Come again?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2013 10:49 - Australia - Redfern

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 267

You deserved it 4 317

Manchild

By pixiebubz - 06/10/2011 03:59 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 946

You deserved it 29 442

Bad sign

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2009 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 806

You deserved it 10 029

By Anonymous - 07/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 814

You deserved it 4 074

That's not my name

By nametag - 09/06/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 069

You deserved it 3 932

By chickety boom - 02/08/2013 12:41 - United States - Austin

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 990

You deserved it 4 313

My wife

By Michael D. - 25/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 878

You deserved it 27 216

By levit - 08/06/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 521

You deserved it 68 307

Definite YDI

By ThatWasACloseOne - 17/04/2023 06:00

Today, I was singing the Peaches song from the Mario movie in the kitchen. My wife asked what I was singing, so I told her “It was the song from the Mario movie remember? We saw it together.” She says “No, we didn’t?” Then I realized she’s right. I’d taken my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 3 327

Close but no cigar

By loner - 07/06/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card, only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 382

You deserved it 4 738

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 917

You deserved it 5 489

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 369

You deserved it 4 621

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 512

You deserved it 21 167

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 156

Today, after seven months of my supporting him, including paying all the bills, cleaning the house, and cooking, my unemployed "aspiring rapper" boyfriend finally got paid for his music. Did he buy me something nice? No, he called his boys to hit the club and pissed away everything he'd earned and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 307

Today, I found out about a mistake I made at work when the director brought it up in an all-staff meeting, including staff from a different office. It was the first I time I'd heard about it - along with everyone else. Not as fun as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 42