The Top

In response to why didn't you buy/check/fix it yourself? Answer: I was saving for college, and know nothing about engines. I remembered that it had been broken before, and assumed she didn't have the money to have it fixed- as we were broke most of the time and could barely afford basic necessities.

Go anyway, see the sights

By CrazedGunMan - 03/09/2020 02:01 - Panama - Panama

Today, I could finally get a plane ticket to go see the girl I have been talking to for the past 5 months. Just as I told her the exciting news, she told me that she was no longer interested in me. Guess that's 800 dollars down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 628

Delete pls

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 161

By anonymous - 16/09/2013 05:35 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 076

You deserved it 2 721

Close encounter

By magicalDEATH - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 274

You deserved it 35 743

By Peta2nNoMore - 04/07/2009 10:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 619

You deserved it 10 418

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 23:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 468

Quick quick

By NoorFML - 13/09/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 073

You deserved it 7 544

Self-fulfilling prophecy

By Dave - 04/10/2012 14:44 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 956

You deserved it 3 818

Carpe Diem

By Dumped - 02/12/2021 19:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my now ex-boyfriend abruptly dumped me out of nowhere. Turns out his friend separated from her husband, and apparently, “the opportunity is too good to pass up.” We’ve been together for 5 years, and have a kid together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 201

By heartbroken - 09/09/2013 07:19 - United States - Cupertino

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 790

You deserved it 4 543

By carrottop - 07/01/2011 12:12 - Australia

Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted "to make the fish smell like lemons". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 3 038

Slipping up

By englishfail - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was teaching a class when a student pointed out that I'd used the wrong "your/you're" while writing on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 516

You deserved it 48 548

Wild allegation

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 451

You deserved it 7 358

Bonjour!

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 10:01

Today, in a job interview I confirmed I could speak French, as I lived in France for 6 years and became fluent, but I was so nervous that when my interviewer started speaking French, I froze up and the entire French language exited my brain like it was escaping a fire. I was kicked out for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 296

By failure - 28/06/2009 01:00 - Australia

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 453

You deserved it 4 388

In the mood

By wickedbeauty333 - 26/09/2012 22:54 - United States - Katy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except that when he did, he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 641

You deserved it 4 211

By bad_luck - 31/12/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 354

You deserved it 8 493

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 10:02 - United States - Holmdel

Today, I went to a going away party for a coworker. I had brought weed for the party and at one point a guy asked me if I have a Grindr. I replied, "No, I don't use those dating apps. I do have a Fetlife but that's it, if you want it." He apparently meant a weed grinder. Most awkward 3 hours ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 1 325

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 10:59

Today, my dad completely disregards my mental health, insists mental disorders are just excuses for laziness in my generation, so even though I have crippling depression, at times he has no sympathy and will mercilessly bully me into “snapping out of it” and to "get a damn job already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 493

By KCHS - 11/12/2014 18:20 - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 087

You deserved it 3 590

Daddy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy." Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 439

You deserved it 5 073

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 298

You deserved it 4 603

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled, and said, "Well, now you'll need a hat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 113

You deserved it 2 729

Normal, right?

By jj. - 15/01/2022 11:01

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 174

Snitch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 20 719

My regret

By regret - 30/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 21:54 - United States - North Adams

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 524

You deserved it 3 755

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dad jokes Kids Argument Money Neighbours Sleep Health Mental health Embarrassing NSFW Intimacy Family Alcohol Transportation Birthday Miscellaneous Cute I need your advice Relatable Love Sex Friends My ex Awkward Scary Technology Annoying Work Capitalism Divorce

The Top

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 224

You deserved it 5 045

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 2 625

Today, I had to cancel my $15,000 wedding and send a mass e-mail to 90 guests that there won’t be a wedding. My now-ex fiance got fired from his job. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, if it wasn’t for the fact he got his colleague pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 319

You deserved it 182

Today, I was robbed while working overnight at the gas station. They demanded I give them all the cash in the register. Seeing they were armed, I was reduced to tears and complied. They mocked me and took a video with their cellphone. When I told my boss, he promptly fired me for not “fighting back.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 88

Today, I learned that the co-worker who was out sick for months, whom I covered down for, received a much larger cash award than I did. This is despite me working there longer, taking on additional details, and receiving a glowing annual review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 136

Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with someone else, all because we haven’t had sex in a long time. He says, “Jerking off is too much work” and “I signed up to marry a human with a sex drive, not an emotionless robot.” He left out the fact that I’m grieving my mother’s death. Thanks for the support, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 423