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By Ignatius - 07/06/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 053

You deserved it 26 779

By Fuckmylife - 20/12/2018 04:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, thanks to a side effect from my medication, I'm suffering the longest mild panic attack I've ever had. I'm on day two and it shows no sign of letting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 548

You deserved it 205

By facebookdeception - 31/10/2014 04:25 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 257

You deserved it 4 514

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 778

You deserved it 21 141

By Anonymous - 25/12/2015 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 035

You deserved it 1 432

By sal - 19/08/2012 02:48 - United States - Rexburg

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 982

You deserved it 4 066

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 05:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was walking into my apartment building, a douchebag leaned out his truck window and yelled, "HOW MUCH FOR A BJ?" He then pulled into a spot near my car. Apparently I have a charming new neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 618

You deserved it 2 924

Small world

By budapesthungary - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 860

You deserved it 2 899

Change the station

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 02:29 - Italy

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then "All By Myself" came on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 304

You deserved it 3 664

Me and my responsibilities

By Lewis - 19/12/2018 19:00 - France - Paris

I'll do it tomorrow

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 63

Oh no, the economy!

By Barbara - 08/03/2022 21:59

Spicy

Today, I’m 5 months pregnant. I really wasn’t feeling my best, so I called in sick. My boss responded with how my “selfish time off requests” are messing with the company’s production, and it’s not the company’s fault a “dude splashed inside me.” She told me to come in or “my kid goes hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 337

By ihatepokemon - 22/07/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 833

You deserved it 11 837

Dump the dump

By lily anne - 30/01/2022 02:00

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 145

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 539

You deserved it 7 500

By cjbutterfly96 - 17/12/2015 15:54 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy for the second time, and he was helping me buy a Christmas present for my dad. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, he was gone. He left me alone and took my dad's present with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 492

You deserved it 2 273

By sushipanda9 - 21/10/2014 00:07 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 247

You deserved it 2 661

sushipanda9 tells us more.

sushipanda9 4

Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:31

Hey, OP here, anyways I did meet with her today again and of course I had to explain some stuff about the confusion yesterday. I told her the true definition of Scientology which cleared some confusion up. Then I told her that she didn't have to believe in the Big Bang theory but she should at least know it and have a decent grasp on it. She basically shot back "I don't really need to know about it, it's ONLY a theory..." which forced me to explain the actual definition of a scientific theory to her , and I came up with examples such as Cell theory, how parts of gravity are considered theories, Molecular theory, several theories in mathematics, and a bunch of other scientific theories. I knew this would slightly upset her but I didn't expect her to shoot back "You're going to hell if you keep preaching Satan's word. You need Jesus, I don't know what you learned but the Bible has the truth that you need to know." Now that I think about it, I'd rather tutor teenagers who come from higher academic backgrounds ...

By iamgermantoo - 21/02/2017 22:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I contacted my landlady to tell her that I approved of the girl she recommended for a sublet. She then told me she thinks this girl is a neo-Nazi. Why? The e-mails she sent to the girl were rejected as spam. Apparently, this and being German qualifies you to be a neo-Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 438

You deserved it 425

Large spread

By Anonymous - 07/05/2023 06:00

Today, as I went to put a portion of a rotisserie chicken in the microwave, the rest of the chicken slid off the counter. I instinctively tried to catch it with my foot, which resulted in me punting it into the kitchen ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 274

Content warning

By fuck family - 17/07/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Spicy

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 964

You deserved it 5 577

By rxcrs3 - 09/08/2012 06:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 059

You deserved it 2 494

Get on with it!

By QuickieGirl - 16/09/2011 11:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 6 137

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 211

You deserved it 3 197

Ewwww, gross

By Tancred - 15/09/2011 07:36 - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when a guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached into his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 760

You deserved it 2 173

By Anonymous - 29/05/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 141

You deserved it 6 808

Had fun?

By wtfguys - 13/10/2014 08:17 - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 292

You deserved it 3 683

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 250

You deserved it 8 695

By gonesofast - 09/10/2014 17:53 - United States - Quincy

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 215

You deserved it 2 922

By facepalm - 12/09/2011 08:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 164

You deserved it 3 816

News to me

By RBEE - 12/12/2009 18:02 - France

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 830

You deserved it 4 198

By Kelly - 02/08/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 190

You deserved it 3 194

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 251

You deserved it 3 420

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 853

You deserved it 4 347

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 689

You deserved it 16 465

Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 274

Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 380

Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 683