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OP here, just for some more info we had given her a card at the same time and my dad wrote Rich in it, he just accidentally let Jim slip on accident. my dad is not an "idiot", he just wasn't thinking clearly at the time

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year-old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 910

You deserved it 43 696

Investing in the future

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 185

By Joel - 25/08/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got seven people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 531

You deserved it 70 086

Smash the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 02:00

Today, at the gym, a guy yelled at me to stop lifting more than his son, because I was embarrassing him by being a girl and lifting more. His son must have been 15 and I almost qualified for the Olympics, but sure I’ll hold back to spare the feelings of a misogynistic 15 year-old little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 200

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 539

You deserved it 11 085

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 149

You deserved it 16 197

By Nick - 22/08/2010 23:33 - France

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 043

You deserved it 8 265

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. My spare keys are 45 minutes away in my dorm room. My dorm room keys are attached to my car keys locked in my car. Security said they would let me in as long as I had my school ID. It's on my keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 125

You deserved it 7 692

Exhausted parents can relate

By ajnmegs - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 681

You deserved it 6 069

Rationalization

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 02:00

Today, I'm getting divorced because I found out that my husband of 17 years cheated on me when I was pregnant, all 3 times. He also had a year-long relationship with another woman, but, "it doesn't count because she knew I wasn't going to leave you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 138

Soundtrack

By Mortifiedcharityworker - 01/05/2014 20:10 - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 371

You deserved it 38 740

By Anonymous - 17/06/2011 21:14 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 018

You deserved it 4 310

Pennies From Heaven

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 04:02

Today, I bought some shoes, but pissed off the lady working at the store by returning them 5 minutes later. She yelled at me and ripped my receipt in half, everyone in the store watched as she threw a handful of pennies at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 645

By loserman - 29/04/2014 22:40 - United States - Frisco

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she'd been sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 842

You deserved it 3 785

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 630

You deserved it 4 913

By Seriously - 15/06/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 311

You deserved it 8 495

Not the brightest

By FJBforever - 13/07/2022 14:00

Today, I thought it would be cool to record an Instagram reel pumping gas and put a recording of Donald Trump saying how Biden’s presidency will cause gas prices to go up. I got so distracted with editing that my gas tank ended up overflowing, and it poured everywhere. I spent all the money I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 2 747

By CARAPPY LUCK - 27/09/2017 16:04

Today, the transmission on my brand new car went out. I bought it last month when the transmission on my old car went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 854

You deserved it 335

Perfect

By Julian - 05/05/2021 02:01

Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on with our perfect, sexless married life together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 289

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 23/04/2014 02:46 - United States

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 241

You deserved it 5 532

Treat yourself

By dll - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 376

You deserved it 9 137

By Beestings - 24/03/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 480

You deserved it 6 551

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 20:57 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 370

You deserved it 6 727

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 198

You deserved it 58 466

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Birthday Family Miscellaneous Cute Friends Relatable My ex I need your advice Love Awkward Sex Intimacy NSFW Scary Technology Annoying Work Money Capitalism Embarrassing Divorce Education Health Sports Abuse Kids Hospital Wanker Addiction Management

The Top

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 114

You deserved it 4 005

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 887

You deserved it 537

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 610

You deserved it 427

Today, I was trying to chat up a girl by showing off my new smartwatch. I proudly said, “It even reads my heartbeat!” It was 132 bpm. She looked at me and asked, “Are you OK? Or just incredibly out of shape from talking to me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 492

Today, due to the unexpected closure of Qatari airspace, I took a 14 hour flight from Perth, Western Australia to Perth, Western Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 73

Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 73