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FYI it was an honest mistake and the paper was only turned in 8 minutes late...after some frantic talks with my teacher she agreed not to penalize my group and just deduct points from me. Lesson learned!!

By tacolove69 - 16/02/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 826

You deserved it 3 394

Suspect

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 426

You deserved it 2 853

By ShinedownCM - 23/09/2018 05:00

Today, I went to apply for classes at a college my parents signed me up to do dual credit with. Too bad they used my sister's social security number so I don't get credit for my old classes and my new application got thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 031

You deserved it 244

It's all downhill from here…

By Tree Hugger - 23/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I went skiing with a friend of mine. He went first. I heard a loud *THUD* and went to investigate. When I went past him, he yelled, "I ran into a tree. I don't feel so good!" He said it in such a defeated and humorous way, that I crashed into a tree myself because I couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 921

STOP!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 20:00

Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 180

WTF?

By Champignon - 01/11/2013 14:17 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 395

You deserved it 4 306

Young at heart

By nothreat33 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister that read, "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 587

You deserved it 3 884

Heat of the moment

By English_Nut117 - 30/10/2013 19:17 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 720

You deserved it 15 239

By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 075

You deserved it 3 565

Great time to try for a kid

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 368

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 2 438

By Anonymous - 07/02/2011 19:57 - Australia

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 058

You deserved it 32 733

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 875

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 526

By grounded4life - 22/07/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 371

You deserved it 83 534

By pinkleopleurodon - 09/12/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 2 589

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 353

FIRE!

By blck - 01/01/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 3 937

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 06:10 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 248

You deserved it 1 202

Spice up your love life

By screwed - 04/11/2012 09:55 - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 5 492

By sparklethelette - 07/12/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 069

You deserved it 3 505

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 02:01

Today, I tend to get bloated in the afternoons when I suffer from stress. Lately, I've been so stressed out that I'm seriously considering buying maternity pants, because not even my stretchiest sweat pants will fit me after 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 255

Smash face

By Tori - 29/10/2021 11:01

Today, I remembered to show some customers at work photos of my cat that I had taken recently, and they love my "flat face" cat. All good, until I scrolled to a whole body nude I had taken to send to my boyfriend. I showed it to an entire family during my breakfast rush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 2 087

By anonamous - 17/07/2009 16:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 262

You deserved it 96 756

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 21:40 - United States - De Forest

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 061

You deserved it 3 772

By rejected - 29/01/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 761

You deserved it 4 982

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 882

You deserved it 2 720

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 135

You deserved it 4 054

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 286

Today, I was going to walk up to my crush, kiss him, and tell him how I felt. We are already kind of touchy with each other, so I thought he liked me back. I walked up to him and kissed him. He kissed me back, then gently pushed me away. He quietly whispered, "I'm gay." Then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 514

Today, I found out that the pharmacy I've been getting my prescriptions from for over two decades is closing down. Just the one store. In less than a week. The signs proudly proclaim "Store Closing! This Store Only!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 90

Today, I have a broken leg, four broken fingers, a cracked rib, a concussion, and an infection fever, and my wife still sent me downstairs with a bat to check for burglars when she heard a noise at 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 74