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Alright. Where to start. 1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy". 2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me. 3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself. 4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake. 5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts! 6) I do not live in Ghana.

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 05:59

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 174

Don't overdo it, it's bad for you

By sara - 13/05/2021 07:59 - Canada

Today, I have wasted so much time reading comments on this page that FML comments have become my favorite bedtime stories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 330

By Judy69 - 07/04/2012 07:04 - United States - Dekalb

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 656

You deserved it 6 045

By Liz - 09/06/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 218

You deserved it 42 723

The abyss

By The_HML - 24/03/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung on the balls by a jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 012

You deserved it 11 174

Prince Charming

By muskogee - 20/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 363

Sworn to secrecy

By TheEpicWario - 01/06/2021 14:02

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 176

By not_this_shit_again - 09/04/2014 12:37 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 027

You deserved it 3 603

By Cheated - 03/08/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 461

You deserved it 4 582

Moan moan moan

By AGluckily - 22/03/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 556

You deserved it 24 793

By bron92 - 21/03/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I started Lifeguard Training and we had the fitness test you had to pass to continue. I work out everyday and I start on our football team. It's spring break and i've worked everyday (construction). I'm fit. Time comes to take the test, I finished last, beat by a 44 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 149

You deserved it 17 734

bron92 tells us more.

bron92 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 2:34

Thanks everyone, haters and all. Let me clear some things up for yall. 1) i did pass, but when i was out of the pool i was GASSED 2) the woman was in pretty damn good shape. I didnt mean to be sexist or ageist. 3) my football team was 11-2. The Ennis Lions, if you wanna check im #64. We were 1 game short of state (loss to rockwall heath) 4) Im not the typical "athlete". I had a pink mohawk in the summer, I listen to no rap and all alternative, I HAVE PINK AND BLACK VANS FOR GODS SAKE. 5) This will surprise you. I'm 6'2 and 230lbs (6% body fat). An offensive lineman, thats why i had some problems. I didn't mean to come off as a jerk, or a "dumb jock",and I actually did somewhat prepare for this test. I had a friend who is a lifeguard teach me and have me swim but I guess it wasn't enough. And, yes, I RESPECT ALL YOU SWIMMERS NOW! haha I learned the hard way

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 574

You deserved it 13 148