The Top

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By Polmkk - 14/02/2019 15:00 - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 737

You deserved it 5 463

Dental practice

By urbantrashcan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 1 521

Nice try, dude

By bigbill - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 005

You deserved it 3 117

You must be kidding

By work hard - 07/11/2016 12:38 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 943

You deserved it 983

Freaked out

By ADanceWithDavos - 07/07/2014 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 045

You deserved it 4 634

By RENThead - 13/09/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 886

You deserved it 1 610

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 47 003

By EaglEye - 02/11/2016 08:29

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 396

You deserved it 878

By HeadStillHurts - 26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 690

You deserved it 8 841

By cereal stepper - 23/10/2016 09:42

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 709

You deserved it 5 570

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 535

You deserved it 989

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 57 342

By Anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 428

You deserved it 2 404

Modern art

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 533

You deserved it 1 736

Debate pervert

By Canuckster - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 765

You deserved it 58 535

By Ugh - 22/08/2017 23:15

Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 2 937

By Anonymous - 19/08/2019 06:01

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 239

By heather - 20/06/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 10 439

Google Maps strikes again!

By -_- - 21/09/2017 16:00

Today, I went shopping for some nice clothing for work. Annoyed that the first two stores I went to didn't have anything, I drove to a store in an unfamiliar part of the city. Not only did Google Maps direct me to a store that doesn't exist, but my car broke down in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 856

You deserved it 299

Moving on

By Peekaman - 15/08/2010 22:31 - United States

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 048

You deserved it 42 500

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 147

Thanks!

By thenanny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - East Syracuse

Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a 5 year-old after her 6 month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 599

You deserved it 1 046

By me - 21/03/2013 10:25 - United Kingdom - Chichester

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 979

You deserved it 6 650

Fair point

By beenawhile - 20/09/2019 04:03 - United States - Boston

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 230

By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 288

Too Much Sugar

By FML Approved - 21/10/2017 04:00 - United States - New York

Sometimes all you can do is sit back and let them get it out of their systems.

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 114

She said yes!

By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Trollhättan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 045

You deserved it 2 752

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By hippie88 - 05/10/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I figured out why I've used triple the amount of cellphone minutes than I usually do over the past month since moving out. Is it because I suddenly have a social life now that I'm living on my own? No. All those calls were made to my mom because I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 363

Happy anniversary!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 235

By seriouslystupid - 24/09/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 23 218

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The Top

Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to scream what is written on all the road signs at him, and tell him to which way to turn… so he can point the car in that general direction and hope for the best. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 66

Today, it was my first time taking blood on the ward. The doctor saw that I was nervous and gave me a violent old man with schizophrenia who thought I was there to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 776

You deserved it 2 964

Today, the girl I like was panicking because her car broke down, so I offered her a lift to wherever she needed to be. I drove her to her boyfriend's house. She asked me to drive her home in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 312

You deserved it 7 411

Today, after getting a friend of a friend a job, overnight she turned into Satan, making a job I once loved a hell on earth. I should really try to get to know people before I do them a favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 346

Today, after sacrificing multiple weekends to help my kid brother with his various projects, I asked him to help me with one of mine. He nearly blew up at the thought of losing an evening of his free time on a simple task, so I postponed it to later, which means never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 125

Today, I went to an old boyfriend's birthday party. An annoying friend suggested that we should try dating again. We were both with our new partners, who were standing nearby when she said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 163