The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too - 04/09/2013 21:14 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of, "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 093

You deserved it 5 070

Sick

By SickMaMa - 09/12/2014 22:39 - United States - Cortland

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 835

You deserved it 4 066

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 680

Resentful

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 12:30 - United States - Redding

Today, nine years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late twenties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 086

You deserved it 1 579

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 16:01 - United States - Worcester

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 2 274

Happy?

By SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 744

You deserved it 6 842

By viabbey - 24/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Cadillac

Today, after waking up in a panic since I slept through my alarm, I hurriedly got ready and started speeding to work. On the way, I texted my boss to apologize for running late. His response? "It's Saturday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 721

Night wrestle

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 219

You deserved it 12 746

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 417

You deserved it 1 151

Feelings

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 00:46 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 672

You deserved it 9 813

By gmanbuilder - 09/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 839

You deserved it 1 829

Gasp

By cold - 15/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 300

You deserved it 609

Helpful

By Big bootay - 28/01/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 369

By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 438

You deserved it 7 124

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 08:01 - Mexico

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 412

You deserved it 65 915

Best boy

By jonnybones223 - 08/03/2019 04:00

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 233

By Notfamous - 02/12/2015 22:18 - United States - West Point

Today, my mother found out I published a book. She demanded that I pay her all my royalties as repayment for her raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 1 539

Lewd

By Public Indecency - 28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 528

By dicksonthebrain - 26/09/2014 13:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 295

You deserved it 6 658

By mislead - 22/09/2014 16:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 775

You deserved it 6 189

Close shave

By Gears - 29/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had dinner at a local fast-food joint. There's an employee there that I usually talk to and flirt with, so I thought maybe it was time to ask for her number. After a small conversation and almost getting to the point, she told me, "I'm 17." I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 815

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 659

By Dogless - 21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 626

You deserved it 2 612

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 00:31

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 669

You deserved it 2 080

By socialbanana - 19/12/2016 02:13 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after getting up at 6 a.m., fighting with the dogs to wipe their paws off from the snow, and having to wait for a moving truck to move so I could get to work by 8, I got a call from my boss saying we were closed due to weather. It was 8:15. I was already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 689

You deserved it 711

By awkwardaf3 - 12/12/2016 01:13 - United States - Bel Air

Today, as I squatted down to get a snack, my pajama pants ripped wide open. I guess the universe is try to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 456

You deserved it 1 860

Good one, asshole

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "Sexual health products." Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 689

You deserved it 6 318

By Tim - 03/08/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 922

You deserved it 6 166

By nowbrokevaper - 19/11/2016 18:47 - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 395

You deserved it 812

By WTF - 27/09/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 1 557

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Birthday Family Cute Friends Relatable My ex I need your advice Love Intimacy NSFW Awkward Sex Scary Technology Annoying Work Money Capitalism Embarrassing Divorce Education Health Sports Abuse Kids Hospital Wanker Addiction Management

The Top

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 686

You deserved it 1 383

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 5 764

Today, I lost my dog while hiking. After searching the trails for an hour and a half, he was by the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 476

You deserved it 8 566

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 994

You deserved it 4 081

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 573

You deserved it 9 591

Today, my cat pooped on the floor. After cleaning it up, I’m fairly certain it was not my cat but instead my roommate, who I also suspect is pooping in the litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 954

You deserved it 227